Formica Mike: Well, well, well. What do we got here? A whole lot of crappy furniture with no one to buy it.
Murray: So, you're working for this putz now?
Formica Mike: That's right. I just snaked your top salesman. Must be killin' ya.
Murray: No, I'm good.
Formica Mike: No, but he's your brother, and now he's working for me the enemy.
Murray: Yeah, well, things happen.
Formica Mike: Wow. That's, uh, that's not the reaction I was expecting.
Marvin: [chuckles] Look at him. It's eating him up inside.
Formica Mike: I don't know. He doesn't seem so put out by the whole thing.
Marvin: Nah, nah, nah, nah. You don't know him like I do. He is dying to take me back. Okay. I'll come back.
Murray: Bup bup! Nope, you see the sign. Says "no refunds on damaged goods." Hoo-hoo!

Murray: What's with all the people?
Pops: It's Marvin's fakakte commercial. I think it actually worked!
Murray: No way. No one's here to see a sweaty samurai.
Guy: Hey, where's the Sofa Samurai? My kid wants to take a whack at this recliner with that katana.
Pops: Unfortunately, the Samurai is sick.
Guy: What? I drove two hours to get here.
Pops: Uh, which is why you're looking at the Mattress Magician! What's that behind your ear, huh?
Guy: Don't touch my son.
Pops: Uh, give us a second.

Pops: You gotta get your brother back. We need him.
Murray: You know, we're talking about Marvin. I've never once needed him.
Pops: Until now. His terrible ideas, turns out, are great.
Murray: [groans]
Pops: Fine. You don't want Marvin's help. I'll work on my magic. Say, what's that behind your-
Murray: Aah! Stop it. I'll go talk to him.

Beverly: Double coupon? Don't mind if I do-pon.

Mr. Glascott: Now, there's the woman I know and fear. Now get in there and break up that boy's good time!
Beverly: Well, I just became his bro. I can't go back to being his mom.
Mr. Glascott: But you're the mommiest mom of all the mom I've ever met.
Beverly: I don't know what to do.
Mr. Glascott: What you always do. Ruin things.

Barry: I'm sorry I said you're just a mom. You made this happen. You.
Beverly: [laughs] And I feel big feelings about it.
Barry: I gotta go buy some Drakkar so I smell awesome when we study. [chuckles] Bye.
Mr. Glascott: Drakkar?! That is the musk of Europeans on holiday!
Beverly: What have I done?
Mr. Glascott: The worst thing any mom could do. You became your son's bro.

Barry: What?! We took a two-minute study break so I could get snacks. How did this happen so fast?
Beverly: Relax. I'm just showing your new friend some photos.
Barry: Bro. A word?
Beverly: Sure thing, bro. Feel free to peruse. There's some great pictures of little Barry making on the potty. [both laugh] Or close to the potty. You know.

Marvin: Here ya go, Ad. Sorry I stole your camera. I guess that's the end of my illustrious film career.
Adam: It had a lens cap and a case.
Marvin: Sure did, pal.

Barry: Whatever. It's my fault for letting you in.
Beverly: No. I want you to let me in. You guys are getting older. You don't need a mom like you used to. But if I'm your friend then I can still be there for you.
Barry: I got plenty of friends. But I only got one mom.

Barry: Mom? What are you doing here?
Beverly: Schmoopie, you were right. I can't be your friend. I'm your mom, and that's what you need, and I am gonna mom it up like you have never seen.
Barry: Now?
Beverly: I've had enough, mister! You're failing half of your classes because of all your wild partying.
Barry: What are you doing?
Beverly: Oh, you just party so wildly. But it stops today! The same with your cool-but-dangerous stunts! And your antics, which are equally as wild.
Barry: Mom!
Beverly: And you. You're the one who tutored my can't-be-tamed son the other day, right?
Jaime: Mm. Um, yeah.
Beverly: Great. Well, now you're gonna tutor him in all his subjects, huh? [to Barry] Don't argue with me. What I say is final.