Geoff: Hello, sir. I run a food-delivery service.
Ned Frank: Put me down for a beer, please.
Geoff: We're actually looking for a missing order.
Ned Frank: But you do deliver beer, right?

Geoff: I just wanted to confirm that your order was up to our standards.
Margot Letien: Sure. But my standards are very low. One time, I ordered a pizza. Honest to God, it had three screws on it. I ate it anyway.
Geoff: With the screws?
Margot Letien: No, dumbass!

Geoff: Hi, ma'am. You didn't get a cheesesteak by accident, did you?
Janice Bartlett: In fact, I did.
Geoff: Could I possibly get that back?
Janice Bartlett: Mm, that's gonna be kinda tough. I already ate the hell out of it.
Murray: She reeks of cheesy, beefy goodness! What are you doing? You monster!
Janice Bartlett: [muffled] Whatever!

Adam: This was a big mistake. I shouldn't have pretended to want your help.
Beverly: Pretended? I-I thought we were stud buds.
Adam: We were never stud buds! And, oh, my God, don't call it that!
Beverly: So we're not stud buds?
Adam: Stop that! And no! Gosh, I just wanted you to write my paper for me, but you couldn't even do that. And now I gotta spend even more time with you, which is the thing I didn't want in the first place.
Beverly: Well, forgive me for wanting to be part of your life. Message received.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] After facing my mom's constant attention, even the shunning bench was better than being at home.
Principal Ball: Okay, people, don't be shy. It's a hallowed Quaker tradition to rip Mr. Goldberg a new one.
Janice Bartlett: You're a fart! [chuckles] Nailed it. Thank you, noble ancestors.
Mr. Woodburn: You're too dumb to get a smart person to write your paper, and I predict early baldness for you. Gah!
Principal Ball: Thank you, Mr. Woodburn. You honor our heritage. Would anyone else like to throw a verbal haymaker?
Beverly: I'd like a turn.
Adam: You can't be here. She can't be here.
Principal Ball: I read nothing in the original parchment about this. Have at it.
Beverly: Adam F. Goldberg, you are a jerk for pretending to want to spend time with me just so I'd write a paper for you.
Mr. Woodburn: Weak! Get him where it hurts! His hair, his body, his stupid glasses! If he's not crying, you're doing it wrong.

Adam: I was just looking for anywhere else to direct your crazy energy!
Johnny Atkins: Oh, no! Your hot mom loves you too much. You're a turd farmer, Goldberg. I shun thee!
Adam: I mean, everywhere I go, there you are. She came into my shower with math facts. [students groan, murmur]
Johnny Atkins: Nice.
Principal Ball: Yikes! Okay, that was me pretending to have heard the bell. People, get back to your classes. This questionable punishment will resume after lunch.

Beverly: Okay, I went too far, maybe.
Adam: [scoffs] Maybe?
Beverly: Fine. I helped you cheat, and that was wrong, but do you know how hard this is for me? Barry and Erica are gone, and all you do is push me away.
Adam: Because you're all over me. You smother me with your noms.
Beverly: I know, but you're my last baby. I don't know what I'm gonna do when you leave, too.
Adam: Then why push me towards college?
Beverly: It was all I had. You're so busy being a young adult, I didn't know how else to connect. I'm sorry.
Adam: Me too. It was wrong of me to take advantage of your feelings. But you do know we still have time before college?
Beverly: So, does that mean we can still be study buddies if I promise not to overdo it?
Adam: We both know that's a promise you can't keep. But I will need to take some study breaks from time to time.
Beverly: And when you do, I'll be there. Is hugging allowed on the shunning bench?

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Sometimes it takes messing up to realize just what your life is missing, especially when the fear of missing someone is what drives you in the first place. In the end, when the people you love have your back, you can do anything. Or just nothing at all.

Erica: Then why'd you keep doing it?
Geoff: Because I thought it was better than doing nothing. I need purpose in my life.
Erica: And we'll find it... Together.
Geoff: But I was driving you crazy.
Erica: You know what's driving me even crazier? Seeing you like this. You need to take your time and figure out what makes you happy.
Geoff: Right now, that's you.

Beverly: I'd rather have Adam sitting at home, learning from me than from your lazy, fresh-mouthed teachers. Come on, study buddy.
Principal Ball: Okey-dokey. That works, too.