Barry: Then, it's my life mission to find this Jersey oasis and take you there. And when you eat the greatest steak sandwich of your life, I will prove you wrong, and you shall never call me a moron again.
Murray: And what happens when I hate this imaginary sandwich?
Barry: Then I'll accept once and for all that I'm truly a moron.
Murray: No, you won't.
Barry: Oh, I will. In fact, if I'm wrong, I will legally change my name to "Moron."
Murray: Okay, I'll take that deal.
Barry: My crusade for the Hoagie Grail begins now.

Coach Mellor: The donkey is the most noble of all work beasts. Now, go. Show your father who the real moron is.

Barry: in my hand, I hold a map on the back of the menu that leads to the world's greatest meat sandwich. We're going tonight. Don't argue! Put on your pants and move!
Murray: Let's go.
Barry: Whoa. You got up so fast. I didn't know that was possible.
Murray: It's a win-win for me. You see, either you're right and I get the greatest cheesesteak of all time, or you're wrong and I get the greatest gift of all, you're a permanent moron.
Barry: Prepare to literally eat those words. To Donkey's in Camden!

Barry: Should I take this exit?
Murray: No, don't take this exit.
Barry: Blinkers on. I'm taking it. I'm not lost. I'm positive I'm not going the right way. I have a good feeling about this unpaved road. Oh, I gotta pee.
Murray: Hold it.
Barry: I got to go.
Murray: Hold it.
Barry: I got to go, Dad. Hey, pelicans! We're near the ocean.
Murray: Just drive me in.
Beverly: Uh-oh. I left my wallet at home.
Murray: Of course you did, moron!

Adam: I thought I was clear, no Mom on this movie.
Beverly: No, you said I couldn't be on set, which is why I'm here, acting as your agent. But don't worry.
I'll take my 10% in belly kisses.
Adam: Ahah-ah-ah! No! I don't need an agent.
Beverly: Food. What about food? Let Mama do the catering. You know I can make a lasagna so dense it can feed 62 people.
Adam: Fine! You can be my craft-service lady, but only 'cause a fed crew is a happy crew.

Beverly: Uh, excuse me. Trail mix? Apple slices? Little cup of tuna?
Adam: No thanks, craft service. Now, please stay in your designated area.
Beverly: As you wish, Director Goldberg. Did you hear that, everybody? This squishy tushy monster is in charge of the whole enchilada.
Adam: Ignore the kooky food lady, people.

Geoff: Hey. I made the boulder that's gonna roll down these temple steps right for Indy.
Adam: Um, I think that should be, like, 10 times as big.
Geoff: That makes sense. Man, you're super good at directing.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Turns out, directing is, like, really hard.
Geoff: Okay, I'm back, and I nailed it. Oh! So, you want, like, a big one. Like Like, not a rock, but a boulder. Okay, this one's smaller, so that's on me.

Erica: [singing] Come on, DJ, play that song Let's party all night long I'm Indiana Jonesin' for your body I'm Indiana Jonesin' for your lips You're tearing my heart right out of my chest And now I'm Indiana Jonesin' for that whip [whip whooshes, cracks] Come on! Do the Indy. And Indiana Jones whip.
Adam: It's fine. I'll fix it in post.

Murray: Sir, please don't chase my son! He's a moron! It's not his fault!

Barry: Ow! My cheesesteak-eating arm!