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34Quotes from ‘Hail Barry’

The Goldbergs: Hail Barry

514. Hail Barry

Aired February 28, 2018

While Beverly works to develop a fashion range for a home shopping channel, Barry hopes to make it on the school football team.

Quote from Barry

Murray: Look at this garbage. You're cocky and overrated, Bears!
Barry: The team and the animal. You think I can't grab a trout from a stream? I can!

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Quote from Murray

Guy: Look, we always appreciate donations, but we can't take these insane jackets.
Murray: Yeah, yeah, okay.
Guy: There's just so many of them, and it quickly became clear that we were gonna be stuck with them forever.
Murray: Yeah, that's a lot of information.
Guy: We have a few crazy bag ladies who will literally take anything off our hands. But in this case, the jackets just agitated them.
Murray: No need to go on.
Guy: We then dumped them in the alley, but all the stray cats instinctively attacked the jackets.
Murray: Now I got to be rude! [slams door]

Quote from Adam

Adam: Well, if there's one thing I know, it's that you can't just quit.
Barry: Dude, enough with your dumb sports movies.
Adam: This isn't from a movie. It's what I learned. Even if I don't ever get a chance to play, I can still help my team.
Barry: Like how you film the baseball games like a weird creep?
Adam: It's game film. It helps them improve.
Barry: Or like when the basketball rolls under the bleachers and you climb under to get it?
Adam: I fit in small spaces.
Barry: So even though you're an unbearable loser with no athletic ability and everyone talks about you behind your back, you still find a way to make a difference?
Adam: And you can, too. Also, what?

Quote from Adam

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was February 28, 1980-something, the year of my mom's Bevolution, where she tried new things, like cutting my hair with a vacuum.
Adam: Oh, balls. Do you know what you're doing? I feel like you don't know what you're doing.
Beverly: That's the beauty of the Flowbee haircutting system. I don't have to know what I'm doing.
Adam: I prefer the old system, where we go to your salon and Chantal washes my hair, which feels way too good, and then I ask her to do it longer, but then it gets weird, and she stops.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: Why the hell is my team dancing with so little rhythm and not out on the field doing drills?
Barry: Well, as team leader, I thought we could use a little bonding.
Coach Mellor: I made it clear that you ride the pine.
Barry: But my brother said you were testing me like he saw in the movies.
Coach Mellor: This is real life, son, where people of your meager skill set don't play, don't win, and don't get carried off on somebody's shoulders!

Quote from Pops

Beverly: Oh, my goodness. I can't believe I made all this money.
Murray: That's what happens when you sell out all of your jackets. Aren't I right, Al?
Pops: Rightaroo, Captain Choo Choo.
Murray: What the hell are you talking about?
Pops: I hate lying. Don't make me a part of this.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: 31 to nothing in the first half?! What a disgrace!
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: Coach, we're doing our best.
Coach Mellor: Save the excuses for Ruben Amaro Sr., Ruben Amaro Jr.!

Quote from Barry

Adam: What is the deal with these lyrics? Who says "kerfuffle" and calls out their own silky smooth skin?
Barry: When you got it, flaunt it.
Andy: It's true. It's almost buttery.
Adam: It's all very odd.

Quote from Adam

Murray: What the hell is this?
Beverly: I'm experimenting with my Flowbee. It only takes two minutes to go from drab to fab. Done.
Adam: That's it? Chantal usually hands me a mirror to look at the back and brushes the hair off my neck, leaning in ever so close to inspect her work.
Beverly: Please go.

Quote from Pops

Murray: Bevy, what's with all this crap? A ThighMaster, a Veg-O-Matic, a Salad Shooter a Pocket Fisherman? Our people don't fish fish. We buy fish, and then we schmear it.
Pops: Schmear? What schmear? Whitefish, lox?
Beverly: This isn't about shopping.
Pops: Anything kippered?

Quote from Pops

Murray: So, this QVC, it's a TV show?
Beverly: It's a whole channel.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] That's right. Before QVC.com was a world leader in online retail, they invented at-home shopping with their groundbreaking TV channel.
Beverly: People can shop from their home using just a phone and a credit card.
Murray: Who would do something like that?
Pops: Yes, I'm calling about the exciting shower radio.
Murray: Hang up my phone, Al!
Pops: But this amazing product allows me to listen to music while I'm wet!
Beverly: See, Murray, QVC is just regular people like me selling big ideas.
Pops: We're living in the future.

Quote from Beverly

Murray: So now what? You show this to QVC?
Beverly: Yes, I already sent them one, and I left 10 messages. I find it very unprofessional that they haven't called me back yet, even after I threatened them.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Look, this is a lost cause, okay? You sent me a giant box, and I only sold one, and, honestly, I wasn't very ethical about it.
Other Erica: Okay, when I stumble home from a frat party at 4:00 in the morning, it is super not cool to trick me into buying stuff.
Erica: I'm on a business call, roomie.
Other Erica: It was dark, and you said this was Gucci.

Quote from Barry

Barry: I'm unconscious! I'm unconscious! I've been knocked unconscious!
Player: Um, Coach, Goldberg says he's unconscious even though he's talking.
Coach Mellor: You okay, Goldberg?
Barry: Just a little unconscious, Coach. Hey, just thought of something. Do you have any of those Fig Newtons? They always perk me back up. Lot of athletes don't know this, but the Newton is a power food.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Name's Big Tasty, I bust a move Also, my skin is silky and smooth
Naked Rob: I'm Naked Rob, and I make the tackle I cover my receiver like a wall with spackle
Geoff: It's Creamy Geoff Schwartz, got no hands with no match Just throw me the ball, and I'll make the catch
All: Watch out world, we're causing a kerfuffle We rap our rhymes and do the JTP Shuffle Okay, stop.


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