Hattie: Hear that, Vy? They're off to help at the shelter.
Vy: Oh.
Hattie: Isn't she a saint?
Geoffrey: A regular Mother Teresa.

Aunt Helen: Hattie girl, you look younger every time I see you.
Hattie: Oh, you're just saying that. Oh, but don't feel you have to stop.

Vy: Now, Will. Will. You grew up on my stuffing. Now, you tell everybody who's the best.
Will: Oh, well, come on, Mom-
Philip: Uh-uh-uh! Excuse us. Son. Son, come here. Let me give you a little piece of advice, huh? Never take sides when women are arguing. You can't win.
Will: Well, Uncle Phil, this is my mom. I think it'll be all right.
Philip: Look at me, boy. Lesson number one, whatever you say is wrong.
Will: We're all family here, Uncle Phil. I don't think it's quite that serious.

Will: How about y'all make them all?
Vivian: That's a good idea.
Hattie: Hey, yes.
Vy: Okay, I'm for that.
Aunt Helen: I guess I'll get to cook this year.
Will: [laughs at Uncle Phil]
Aunt Helen: And you can judge which is best.
Philip: [laughs at Will]
Vivian: The both of you.

Vivian: Phil, I need you and Will to move that luggage upstairs.
Philip: [to Will] Relax. Relax. Right after this play, sweetheart. That should give us at least another half hour. [they chuckle] You know, I once told her that the Fiesta Bowl was a three-day event. I didn't have to do anything all weekend.
Will: Nicky, we are learning from the master.
Ashley: Ugh, holidays are the reason they should've passed the ERA.
Nicky: Give it a rest.
Will: Ooh. The student has become the teacher.

Vivian: [o.s.] Did you move that luggage yet?
Will: We'll get it right after this play, Aunt Viv.
Vivian: [o.s.] Now!
Will: What'd I do wrong?
Philip: You didn't believe.

Vivian: Philip, what happened?
Philip: Oh, my back. My back went completely out.
Vivian: Oh, honey, I'll call the doctor.
Philip: Why didn't you lift?
Will: Uncle Phil, you never said, three.
Philip: I did say three. I said, one, two, three.
Will: No, you didn't, Uncle Phil. You said, "One, two." But then when...
Philip: [grabs Will] I said, three. Oh, God. I just need to lie down.
Will: Here. Let me give you a hand.
Philip: Don't touch me.

Man: Hold on, there. I ain't done yet. Wait. Ain't you that beautiful lady from before?
Hilary: Oh, yes, I am.
Man: Damn, baby. Look like somebody hit you with an ugly stick.

Hilary: Sylvia, you can tell Mr. Wilmore that I quit.
Sylvia: Is that what you want me to tell the news crew when they show up?
Hilary: You wouldn't.
Sylvia: Try me.
Hilary: This isn't fair. [sobs] Oh, please don't be mean to me.
Sylvia: Well, I guess you don't have to be any kind of actress to be a talk-show host.
Hilary: Great, a critic. I don't see why you're making me clear dishes.
Sylvia: You wanna wash?
Hilary: [laughs] That's a good one. No, I was thinking of something more along the line of hostessing. I could greet the people as they come in with a smile and hand them their menus and take them to their seats.
Sylvia: Clear.
Hilary: I'll split my tips with you.

Woman: May I help you?
Will: Actually, it's for my uncle, you know? He needs a deep-tissue massage. As you can see, the brother do got some deep tissue. You know what I'm saying? You know?
Woman: What about you?
Will: Oh, no, no. I'm cool. I'm all right, thanks.
Woman: I'll give you the massage personally.
Will: Actually, I do got a kink right in here, you know. Very tight.