Carlton: [v.o.] Somebody pinch me. I'm in the same city with Tom Jones, Wayne Newton, and Engelbert Humperdinck. So many shows, so little time. Ugh.

Hilary: I just know that one day Thelma and Louise will make it to the other side of the canyon.

Carlton: All right, I get it. We'll gamble for about an hour or so, but then we have to hit the hay. We don't wanna miss sunrise at Hoover Dam. They say it starts out mauve.
Will: You're an odd little man, aren't you?

Will: So this is what you wanna do, huh? You think you want some of me, huh? Let's go.
Nicky: Blackjack.
Will: Man, that's three in a row. I should be taking you to Vegas with me instead of Carlton.
Nicky: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Pay the man.

Philip: Okay, guys. Here you go. Here are your airplane tickets and your hotel confirmation.
Carlton: Thanks, Dad. This is gonna be the greatest birthday present ever. Yeah, it's a shame you have to go to Sacramento.
Philip: Oh, I know. I know. But, son, this isn't just a birthday, this is your 21st birthday. And this isn't just a trip, it's a rite of passage. You know, the Cheyenne Indians used to take a young brave and leave him in the desert and he'd have to fend for himself with nothing but a knife. But when he left that desert, he was a man.
Will: There's certainly some places in this desert where a brother can become a man, you know... I don't know where none of them at, you know, you know, but I'm gonna go ahead and get my knife.

Philip: Okay, ladies, I'm leaving. They don't hear you, sir.
Geoffrey: They've begun their women's weekend. Right now, they're in phase one. Chick flicks and mint Milanos.
Philip: I said, I'm leaving.
[Vivian, Hilary and Ashley go up an kiss Philip without taking their eyes off the TV]
Geoffrey: Well, it's not like you're going off to war, sir.

Hilary: "You're at a friend's house for Christmas dinner and you find a dead cockroach in your salad. What do you do?"
Vivian: I eat around it, because cockroaches go straight to my thighs.
Ashley: I'd switch plates with Carlton.

Ashley: Okay, Hilary, it's your turn. I'll ask you a question. "Would it bother you much if upon your death your body was simply thrown into the woods and abandoned?"
Hilary: Does it say what I'm wearing?

Ashley: Okay, Geoffrey, fine. A question for you. "If you could use a voodoo doll to hurt anyone you chose, would you?"
Geoffrey: Miss Ashley, if it hasn't worked by now...
Hilary: Aah!
Geoffrey: Perhaps it's kicking in.

Hilary: No, I saw a mouse.
Ashley: Are you sure?
Hilary: Of course, I'm sure.
Ashley: What'd it look like?
Hilary: Like Mickey, only without the big white gloves.