Will: Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Ashley: What happened in here?
Will: We was robbed!
Hilary: Oh, my God! What'd they take?

Will: Yo, C, can you take me to the beach, man?
Carlton: Will, you're taking that baseball to the beach with you?
Will: No, no. See, this isn't just a baseball. This was autographed by "Say Hey" Willie Mays. I mean, I had to sell half your coin collection just to buy it.
Carlton: Well, if you ask me, you're obsessed.
Will: I'm obsessed? Look, Carlton, you hurt his feelings. Say sorry. Say it!
Carlton: I'm sorry. Will, seek help.
Will: Carlton, can you just drop me off at the beach? You know what, scratch that. Drop me off a couple blocks away. You know, the honeys might get a little nervous if they see me with a midget.
Carlton: Will, today is senior day. We're supposed to work on our college applications and think about our futures.
Will: Oh, I am, and it's just that my future involves a sweet young thing in a thong. You know what I'm saying? You know? Come on, let's jam, pee wee.
Carlton: Forget it, Will. I'm not going to the beach. I'm going to the library.
Will: Oh, really? Well, I got ten spankies here that said you're going to the beach.
Carlton: [takes the notes] They lied. [runs]

Will: G, can you please take me to the beach?
Geoffrey: So sorry, Master William. I'm on a break.
Will: G, when is it gonna be over?
Geoffrey: When you get another ride.

Will: Oh, look, a Black Howdy Doody.
Philip: That is my assistant Edward. Shame on you, Will. God. [opens door] Good morning, Howdy, uh, Edward.

Edward: Good morning, Judge Banks. I hope you don't mind the imposition. But I thought you could review your notes on the way to court.
Philip: Edward, even I can't drive and read at the same time.
Will: Sure, you can, Uncle Phil, I do it every morning on my way to school. [laughs and slaps Edward, repeatedly]
Edward: Actually, I took the liberty of putting your notes on tape.
Philip: Oh. Thank you, Edward. It must have taken you hours.
Edward: Three days, but I found it extremely enlightening not to mention rewarding.
Philip: Yeah.
Edward: Oh, I almost forgot one thing.
Will: Uh, if it's your nose, I think I know where you left it.

Edward: I was hoping to have a day off. I have an interview with a very prestigious law firm.
Philip: Oh, I have a very busy today, Edward. Can't you postpone it?
Edward: Of course. I'd be happy to.
Philip: Okay.
Edward: I'll just wait another eight months.
Philip: Go to the interview, Edward.
Edward: Thank you, sir. Thank you again. And again, and again.
Will: Ed, you want me to get you some knee pads?

Philip: Well, Will, sometimes you have to put yourself aside and do something to help others.
Will: You know, you-you right, Uncle Phil, and I-and I see it. It's like a vision. I'm gonna do that when I'm 30.
Philip: Will, I'll never make it through this day without help. Come on, like my father used to say to me "It's, it's better to give than to receive."
Will: Your pop had a bit of a drinking problem, didn't he?
Philip: Get out of those clothes and get into the damn car.
Will: A gentleman would at least give me dinner first.

Philip: Next case. Where are my files?
Will: Oh, I-I got them right here for you, Uncle Phil. You know, I just cleaned them up a little bit, you know?
Philip: Why?
Will: I don't know, man. Some fool spilt some Slurpee or something on it, I don't know. They cool, though.

Will: [purrs] What's up, baby, why don't you stenog your number down for me, you know? Hmm, girl, you look so good, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all.
Philip: Will, would you approach the bench, please?
Will: Yeah, just a second, Uncle Phil--
Philip: Get your butt over here. Closer.
Will: Huh?
Philip: Come on. A little closer. Come on. Come on. Yes. Come on. [slaps Will] May I remind you that you are here to help me, not help yourself? Now, you sit your butt down over there and shut up!
Will: Kong not happy.

Philip: Well, counselor I see that your client has violated probation again. Why hasn't he found a job yet?
Lawyer: He's tried, Your Honor, but he hasn't been able to. We're here to request more time.
Philip: Mr. Devins, I see you've served five years in the penitentiary. I'm sure you learned a trade in there.
Luther: Actually, I wrote a book, Your Honor.
Will: Word, that's kind of fly, man.
Luther: Hey, tell that to the publishers who rejected me. I hate rejection. As a matter of fact, I wrote a book of poetry about it.