Will: Yo, check it out, G. My Willie Mays just went up again. I can get 300 spankies for this.
Geoffrey: Uh, 225 tops. I tried selling it yesterday.

Philip: Now, when you finish mowing the lawn you can prune Mrs. Banks' roses.
Luther: My pleasure.
Carlton: I have a date tonight. So would you mind washing the car? Oh, and can you jack up the driver's seat a little?
Hilary: And could you pick up my dress from the dry cleaners?
Will: Oh, and uh, while you're at it could you type up your thoughts on the industrial revolution, you know, double space it and put my name on it? You dribble and you shoot, you know? You hope for the best.

Ashley: What a great guy.
Carlton: In-credible.
Will: Yo, I'm telling you, dude got it going on I mean, especially after spending five years in the pen.
Hilary: The pen? Please tell me that's slang for the valley.
Philip: Look, now, don't everybody overreact but, uh, he did serve some time for burglary.
Carlton: Are you out of your damn mind? Ashley?
Hilary: Oh, my God! I've got to make myself look less attractive. I know. I'll put on something of mom's.

Ashley: I'm nailing down all of my dolls right now.
Carlton: Me too!
Philip: Hey, hold it! Hold it! Now, the man has paid his debt to society. He deserves a second chance like everybody else.
Hilary: Whose idea was this?
Philip: His.
Hilary: Will, you have put this entire family in danger. This is the dumbest thing you've ever done.

Carlton: I don't know, Will. I don't think I'd leave a convicted felon alone in my room. But what could you possibly have of any value?
Will: What you talking about, man? Uh, how about, for instance my Willie Mays baseball? [yawns] Look at the time. 4 o'clock already. I better get some sleep.
[later:]
Will: Where's my Willie? Carlton, I can't find my Willie!

Will: Carlton, tell me that there's a baseball in this thing.
Carlton: There is no baseball, Will.
Will: Oh, I guess you wasn't listening. Carlton, tell me that there's a baseball in this thing.
Carlton: Look, it's gone. Well, Luther's a thief. What are we gonna do?
Will: Alright, alright.. We don't know that Luther did it.
Carlton: Oh, come off it, Will. If it looks like a duck, smells like a duck and sounds like a duck, what is it?
Will: Your prom date?

Carlton: Look, if you're so sure Luther didn't take it why don't you just ask him? He won't have anything to hide.
Will: Oh, come on, Carl, you can't just walk up to people and accuse them of stuff. You think he did it, you ask him.
Carlton: Oh, right, like I'm just gonna march up to a vicious, hardened criminal and say "Hey, mister, can I have my ball back? And please don't snap my neck like a twig."

Carlton: Hey, Luther, you dropped your wallet.
Luther: No, that's yours.
Carlton: So it is. How honest of you to say so. So, Luther. Baseball's a fine game, isn't it?
Luther: Oh, yeah.
Will: Carlton, can I have a word with you?
Carlton: Oh, sure.
Will: The word is "idiot," man.

Carlton: Luther's guilty, Will. I'm gonna tell dad.
Will: No, you're not, man, 'cause if you do I'm gonna tell him about them calls you've been making to 1-900-horny.
Carlton: You wouldn't.

Philip: Come on, boys. Let's go out to dinner.
Carlton: Out? We can't go out. We got lots of food right here. We can't leave the house. Our stuff is here.
Hilary: Carlton, Geoffrey's away. Mom's gone. If we don't go out to eat, we'll starve.