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‘Bundle of Joy’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Bundle of Joy

316. Bundle of Joy

Aired January 25, 1993

As Ashley worries that she will be ignored when the baby comes, the family starts to imagine what the future holds.

Quote from Will

Will: [recording] Now we are entering the kitchen. This is where we eat. [looks at Uncle Phil] Some of us more than others. And this is your mommy and she look like she eating for a couple of brothers herself.
Vivian: Will, what are you doing with that microphone?
Will: Uh, making a tape for the coming attraction. You know, I was going to knit some booties or something but you know, I had to get yarn and needles and I'd have had to learn how to knit. See, look, Uncle Phil, the concept is to aesthetically capture for posterity the sounds that are familiar to this house.
Philip: Will, I'm eating.
Will: You'll hear a lot of that.
Philip: You're grounded.
Will: Okay, that about sums up Uncle Phil.

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Quote from Will

Will: Hold it there, home fry. Say a little something to spud.
Carlton: Hey, little bro, piece of advice: Don't lend Will a penny even if he begs, and he will.
Will: That's your brother Carlton. You'll recognize him, he'll be the one at eye-level.

Quote from Will

Will: Man, I can't wait to start my own family. Yo, I want to have a whole bunch of kids, like six and I'm going to have them one right after another.
Carlton: Will, we're talking about kids, not malt liquor.
Will: Carlton, why don't you shut up before we send you back to that White family that dropped you off on the doorstep?

Quote from Will

Philip: Ashley, honey we're not going to forget you when the baby comes. You'll see, this will bring us all closer together.
Will: That's true, Ash. I mean, look at us now. Last time we sat around like this is when they reran Roots.

Quote from Will

Vivian: Ashley, honey, your father and I have always been here and we will always make time for you.
Carlton: Hilary, why not? I mean, it will help your ratings.
Hilary: I don't want to hear about it anymore, okay?
Will: Now, here come your two eldest siblings, Dopey and Greedy.
Hilary: No, Carlton, I will not plug your stupid school play on my weather spot today, tomorrow, or ever.
Carlton: Well, for your information, Brigadoon is a classic musical comedy.
Will: No, man, for my money, classic musical comedy: Milli Vanilli.

Quote from Will

Will: I don't know about y'all, I'm excited we having twins. I mean, now you can finally have the son you always wanted.
Carlton: Well, they already have me.
Will: Now, you can finally have the son you always wanted.

Quote from Ashley

[fantasy:]
Ashley: Good morning, Geoffrey. Morning, everybody. [nobody responds] Geoffrey, my place isn't set, and where's my food? [Geoffrey doesn't respond]
Will: Oh, hey, let me feed my favorite little cousin.
Hilary: Oh, now, come on.
Carlton: Oh, I thought it was my turn.
Ashley: I thought I was your favorite cousin. What do I have to do, spit up on your shirt?
Will: Y'all hear something?
Ashley: Yeah, how about me screaming at the top of my lungs? [screams]
Will: I guess not. I be tripping, boy, tripping.

Quote from Ashley

[fantasy:]
Ashley: Daddy.
Philip: There's my favorite little girl. [drapes his coat over Ashley and he goes to see the baby]
Ashley: Daddy, don't you remember me? It's me, Ashley.
Philip: Coochie, coochie, coo. She's so precious. You know, she reminds me of someone. That little girl who used to hang out around here. Pretty little thing. Black hair.
Hilary: Amanda.
Ashley: Ashley.
Geoffrey: Or was it Anna?
Ashley: No. Ashley.
Carlton: I'm pretty sure it was Appalonia.
Ashley: No, it was Ashley.
Will: Well, hold up, was it, um, Ashley?
Ashley: Yes.
All: No.

Quote from Carlton

Ashley: Think about it, Hilary's special because she's the oldest. Carlton's the only boy. I was the baby, but who am I now?
Carlton: The whiner. Look, lighten up, Ashley. We all have our burdens to bear. I mean, when the new Banks arrives, Dad's going to have to update his will which means there'll be another slice of the pie I won't be getting. I mean, what about my needs? What about me? What about-
Vivian: Shut up, Carlton.
Carlton: Good call.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Look, I'll have you guys know that I had a hand in raising you. I'll be a positive influence on the new baby. You just wait and see.
[fantasy:]
Philip: Hilary, baby, you're 30 years old. Don't you think it's about time you moved out on your own?
Hilary: That is so unfair. Mom's 50 years old and you haven't pushed her out the door.
Philip: Why do I even bother?
Hilary: Cindy. [A little girl brings Hilary a drink] Aren't you forgetting something, baby sister?
Cindy: You're prettier than I'll ever be.
Hilary: Something else. [Cindy puts an umbrella in Hilary's drinks] Good. Now, I'm feeling a little warm. [Cindy starts fanning Hilary] So, tell me about your day at school and move a little to the left.
Cindy: Well, Miss Randolph gave a pop quiz and I-
Hilary: Do you like my outfit?
Cindy: It's real pretty. Hilary, my arm is starting to hurt.
Hilary: Ooh, you poor baby. Use the other arm. Maybe you should start lifting weights.

Quote from Hilary

[fantasy:]
Cindy: Well, Myra Walker brought a hamster to class for show and tell-
Hilary: Should I color my hair?
Cindy: No, it's beautiful.
Hilary: It is, isn't it? Oh, guess what? I have a little surprise for you. Ta-da!
Cindy: Oh, goody, a shoeshine kit.
Hilary: I know I spoil you, but I just couldn't resist. Do you like my shoes?
Cindy: They're great.
Hilary: Well, you know, they'd be even better if they were shiny.
Cindy: Can I put the fan down first?
Hilary: This time. It is your birthday. But don't make a habit of it. [Cindy starts polishing Hilary's shoe] A spit polish. I meant on the shoes.

Quote from Geoffrey

[fantasy:]
Carlton: Geoffrey, I told you, I wanted tomatoes in my omelet.
Hilary: Geoffrey, I need some sliced cucumbers for my eyelids. [phone rings]
Will: G, the phone's ringing.
Ashley: Geoffrey, you did my homework all wrong. Do it again.
Geoffrey: Master William, would you go change the baby? I'm trying to do 10 things at once!
Will: Uh, sorry, no can do, G. I'm about to go shoot some hoops. Hey, do me a favor, spit shine my kicks for me, though. Thanks, babe.
Hilary: Oh, for heaven's sake, I'll get it. [answers phone] Hello. Oh, hi, Daddy. Geoffrey is so lazy. So, how's Jamaica? What'd you buy me? Oh, great. Great. Okay, we'll see you soon. Bye.
Geoffrey: Well, what did your father say? For God's sake, when are they coming back?
Hilary: They'll be home in time for graduation.
Geoffrey: Oh, thank heavens.
Hilary: The baby's. They figure you can handle things until then.
Will: Look, G, check it out, I'm a peace-loving brother but if you don't hurry up with my kicks, I'm gonna split your wig, man.
Carlton: I want a new omelet.
Ashley: Homework.
Hilary: Cucumbers. [overlapping chatter]
Geoffrey: Calgon, take me away!

Quote from Geoffrey

Hilary: Geoffrey, you're exaggerating.
Geoffrey: And you're lying through your bonded teeth.
Will: [recording] Well, that's Geoffrey. He pretends he doesn't like the family but deep down inside he really hates us.
Geoffrey: That's not true. I can tolerate Miss Ashley.

Quote from Will

[fantasy:]
Kids: Hello, Father.
Will: Hey, Shaquille, Barkley, Jordan. [holds out hand] Okay, forget about that. Check it out. Why don't we go outside and shoot some hoops?
Barkley: What are hoops?
Shaquille: I think he's referring to that sport where a spherical object is thrown into a round receptacle at opposite ends of a court.
Will: You watch your mouth, boy. All right, look, forget basketball. Come here, come here, come here. What do y'all say we sneak and get some candy before dinner?
Jordan: But that would spoil our appetite, and tonight we're having liver.
Kids: Yeah!

Quote from Vivian

Vivian: Now, stop it all of you. Now, I cannot wait for this baby to get here. And that's not just because I'm retaining more water than the Hoover Dam.

Quote from Will

Will: You know, I used to think the only reason to kill a man was self-defense but I just spent 45 minutes in the Volvo with another reason.
Hilary: What's wrong with him?
Will: This idiot is taking a mime class. Carlton, get away. I swear to God, Carlton, get away from me with this. Stop. Stop playing. Carlton, stop or I'll hang you with that rope! All right, that's it. That's it. I was going to throw him out on the freeway but you know the old saying: A mime is a terrible thing to waste.

Quote from Geoffrey

Will: Yo, G, what sound do you think accurately depicts your position in the family? [Geoffrey turns on the garbage disposal] You're sick, man. See a therapist, okay?

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, Ashley, say something to the baby.
Ashley: [blows raspberry]
Will: Care to elaborate?
Ashley: A lot.
Will: Don't feel bad. She just mad 'cause she found out she ain't adopted.

Quote from Ashley

Ashley: So Mom's having a baby. Big deal. I bet you didn't go through all this for me. You probably smoked cigarettes and rode horseback until the day I was born.
Vivian: Ashley, honey, come on, we prepared for you and took the same precautions as we did for Hilary and Carlton.
Will: Ah, bungee jumping.
Vivian: Philip, the baby's moving, feel my stomach.
Ashley: Hey, I move all the time. Let's have a party. All you guys do is talk about the baby. The baby's clothes, the baby's room. The baby, baby, baby. You'll forget all about me after you have it, Mommy. I can see it coming.

Quote from Will

Hilary: I can't wait till the new baby's born. Then I can do all those special things that big sisters do.
Carlton: Like when you took me up to the attic window and told me I could fly?
Ashley: Or when you told me it was okay to roller skate down the steps.
Will: [recording] Judging by your lovely brothers and sisters, you're going to need an insurance policy before you're potty trained.

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