Eric: God, I don't know it's like, why would Joanne fire me? Bob, she's your girlfriend. Did she say anything?
Donna: Eric, ix-nay on the oanne-jay.
Eric: Donna, you know I don't understand pig Latin. Bob, what is Joanne's problem?
Donna: Eric, "ix-nay" means "shut up."
Bob: It's okay, honey. I can talk about it. Me and Joanne broke up. And I didn't see it coming. [sobs]
Red: Bob, what did I tell you last week?
Bob: Don't cry in your kitchen?
Red: And I didn't mean just that day. I meant always.
Bob: I'd better go, then.

Kelso: I just... I really want the job, Roy.
Roy: Well, I wish I could give it to both of you. Eric's got that zippy personality, and Kelso's all man.
Hyde: I know what we should do. We should make it a competition. That way, there's the fun of someone losing.

Red: Okay, everybody, let's put some smiles on those faces. We're going to get divorced. What the hell's this?
Fez: Looks like a box.
Red: I know it's a box.
Fez: Hey, what's with the attitude? I'm just making conversation. Looks like a box. It is a box. This is how real people talk, man.

Kitty: Ooh, look at the paper sparkle. I wonder what it is.
Red: Well, keep wondering, 'cause this package is going right back.
Laurie: But Daddy!
Fez: But Daddy.
Kitty: No, no, I am just curious. Aunt Martha's well-to-do, so you have to figure it's a pretty nice present. Don't you wanna just peek?
Red: No, I wanna go to the courthouse. Now get moving. Whatever's in this package might make you happy for a day, but a divorce is a gift that lasts a lifetime.

Roy: I'll have the surf and turf, no seafood, meat... Nice and pink, mashed potatoes not mashed, sliced into wedges and fried up.
Kelso: One cheeseburger.

Roy: It's very important that a waiter can deal with difficult customers. Steven and I are gonna play a married couple.
Hyde: I'm not so into this, Roy.
Roy: Excuse me, waiter. This wine is no good. It's our anniversary, and I want everything to be perfect. God knows, it's hard enough just to get him out of the house.
Eric: Oh, I'm very sorry, madame. If you'll allow me to bring you a complimentary bottle of our finest wine, I'd be most obliged.
Roy: Most obliged. That's Shakespeare.

Roy: Waiter, it's our anniversary, and this wine is no good.
Kelso: Hey, you got a lot more problems than the wine. You are one ugly broad.
Roy: I do not appreciate your tone.
Kelso: My tone? Dude, your wife's a bitch.

Roy: Okay, work your way around the tables with a tray full of dishes without spilling or dropping anything. And for God's sakes, watch out for the baby. Go!
Hyde: 10 bucks says his skinny little wrist snaps under the weight.
Roy: I'll take that bet. He's scrawny, but strong, like the Viet Cong.

Kelso: Oh, what's this? Roy, I think you might have left a $20 bill tucked in my sleeve.
Roy: I'm always losing stuff.
Kelso: No, Roy, that was...

Roy: Well, Eric, you're hired.
Eric: Oh, really? Roy, this is like a dream. A really mediocre dream.