Fez: Hello, ladies. So glad you could make it. Now, may I get you something to drink? We have beer, you know.
Girl #1: What else do you have?
Fez: We have punch, but we also have beer.
Girl #1: Punch is fine.
Fez: Punch it is. Okay. Would you like to chase down that punch with a nice beer?

Red: Oh, I am kicking your ass! [laughs]
Kelso: Good game, Mr. Forman.
Red: Oh, you're leaving? Come on, we'll play another game.
Kelso: No, Jackie's waiting for me. I really-
Red: One more game, come on.

Girl #1: You know who you remind me of? Freddy Prinze.
Girl #2: No, Ricardo Mottleblonde. [girls laugh]
Girl #3: You said, "mottleblonde."
Girl #2: No, I didn't.
Girl #1: Okay, shut up. Okay, Fez I want you to say something, like, really slow.
Fez: Hello, my darlings. And when I say hello, you know what I mean.
Jackie: Hey, he was my friend first.

Kelso: Jackie, this is for you.
Jackie: Ooh, Michael, what is it? It's hot rollers! [gasps] And with steam!

Bob: Hiya, Red. How'd it go tonight?
Red: Well, I sold a set of hot rollers, Bob. And a, uh, pong game.

Police Officer: Sir, we believe your vehicle was involved in the unlawful removal of state property.
Red: What?
Police Officer: We're gonna have to confiscate that tree.
Kitty: The tree? No, I mean, it's all done. I mean- I mean, look at it. [stands in front of the tree] No!

Hyde: Hey, I got you something. It's no big deal. But, you know, Christmas.
Donna: Suddenly Hyde's getting bashful? [opens present] Oh, wow! This is great.
Eric: What is it?
Donna: It's a picture of me and Hyde.
Hyde: Yeah, it's me and you in fifth grade. I've had it in my drawer forever, so I just framed it.
Donna: That is so sweet.
Eric: Yeah, that is so sweet.

Eric: Look, why don't you open my present?
Donna: Oh, White Shoulders. I love this stuff. Thank you.
Eric: You're welcome.
Donna: Oh, my God you can see my training bra through my shirt.
Hyde: Yeah, I remember that training bra.
Eric: Yeah, I wish I'd gotten you something like-
Hyde: Man. Dude, it's nothing.
Donna: It's not nothing. This is so thoughtful. It's the sweetest thing anyone's ever given me. [kisses Hyde on the cheek] Next to the perfume.
Eric: Right. Well, I wrapped it myself. I know how you like things... wrapped.

Red: Eric, before you explain the beer, maybe you can tell me why there are two state troopers in the living room confiscating our Christmas tree?
Eric: Oh, um- That- Funny story, and a true story. You're gonna laugh-
Red: Get to the point!
Eric: We cut the tree off the side of the interstate.
Red: Well, that's just great, Eric. Now the party's over, you're grounded, and I want what's left of my $40.
Eric: Kelso, give it to him.
Red: Oh, no!
Kelso: Yeah, I sort of spent it on Jackie's gift.
Jackie: Oh, Michael, my hot rollers! [squeals] You got in trouble for me, Michael? Oh, I love you, Michael! [sobs]

Girl #1: God bless us, everyone!
Jackie: And Hyde loves Donna.
Hyde: She's crazy, man!
Red: Eric, what the hell is going on here? Have these girls been drinking?
Eric: No. Look, Dad, I swear. Just Mom's punch.
Red: [drinks] Lousy with hooch!
Hyde: You see? You see? You see, Red? She's drunk, man. That's drunk talk. False.
Red: Come on, Jackie. I'll take you and the "sob sisters" home. Eric, the rest of that beer goes in my refrigerator. Donna, your father's upstairs. I suggest you join him. Steven, you help Eric clean up. And Kelso, go home!
Fez: Eric, do something. Your father's taking my women!