Kelso: What are you doing?
Mitch: I'm not touching you.
Kelso: Well, stop it.
Mitch: But I'm not touching you.
Kelso: Well, stop not touching me.
Mitch: Okay. [touches Kelso's face] [chuckles] Wasn't it better when I wasn't touching you?
Kelso: Yeah. [both chuckle]

Mitch: Wow, you are gorgeous.
Jackie: Are you kidding me? No, no, no, no, I'm the pretty one. Me.
Mitch: You're the hottest redhead since Batgirl. And you're not just gorgeous. I mean, you radiate intelligence and deep thought, a real sense of self.
Donna: Eric, I like your new friend.
Mitch: She's gotta be with you, huh?
Kelso: I can't say I haven't tried, my little friend, but she's with Eric for now.
Mitch: Really? Well, what's wrong with her? Is she, like, an alcoholic or a drug addict?
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, she's addicted. She needs a daily dose of this guy.

Donna: My poor dad. You know, he's so upset. This morning during The Price is Right he didn't even yodel along during "Cliffhanger."
Jackie: Donna, we wanted them apart, and now they are. Look, some things just don't belong together, like my mom and your dad, or Michael and a gun.
Kelso: No, seriously, how could they give me a gun?
Donna: You don't even sound like you feel bad.
Jackie: Donna, this whole thing is your dad's fault. Come on, Donna. Who asked the woman to move in with him after knowing her for such a short time?
Donna: I'll tell you who. The same guy who let you move in here after your parents took off and you had no place else to go. My dad. I mean, you know your mom is wrong and that she hurt my dad, who's never been anything but nice to you. How can you defend her?
Jackie: I pick the pretty one.

Jackie: Mom, there you are. How could you do that to Bob?
Pamela: Now, honey, Bob will be fine.
Jackie: No, he won't. Mom, Bob is a wonderful guy with a huge heart who only worries about what he could do for other people. And, yeah, okay, maybe he has an Afro. But sometimes goodness and Afros go together.
Pamela: But, Jackie, the other guy that I'm seeing is a Lincoln dealer.
Jackie: Oh, my God, Mom, really? Mom, we could be driving in matching pink... No, no. Mom, no. No. Okay, look, I know... I know that Bob might not be the smoothest or the classiest guy you've ever dated, but I've learned that doesn't mean he's a bad person.
Pamela: Ugh, I knew I shouldn't have sent you to public school.
Jackie: Mom, if you keep thinking this way, you'll always be running from one place to another looking for something better instead of just being happy with what you have. You know what? I guess you have a lot of thinking to do.
Pamela: You're right. Mas tequila, Hirohito.
Jackie: I said, "Thinking."

Eric: Hello? Is anyone here? Hyde? Well, I guess it's time for me and 24 of my collectible action figure friends.
It was a dark time for the Force. After the Formanian wars, young Luke Skywalker had to face his most formidable enemy yet. Darth Vader with the rare and deadlier green light saber. What? No. [screams] Mitch!

Donna: Mitch, these omelets are amazing.
Mitch: Well, you know, an omelet's only as beautiful as the person who eats it, so, I'd have to say that this omelet has the prettiest red hair I've ever seen.

Eric: Thief! He's a thief. You stole my Vader action figure.
Red: Oh, you, too? I thought Eric was the only one weird enough to play with a doll.
Eric: Action figure. You know, it's bad enough you stole a kiss from my girlfriend, but this... This has gone too far.
Donna: Oh, so my honor is less important than a doll?
Eric: Action figure! Now give it back.
Hyde: Hold on just a second. Now, Mitch, did you or did you not put onions in my omelet? 'Cause I asked for them, but I didn't see you put them in there.
Mitch: Eric, I didn't take your action figure.
Red: Doll.
Eric: Action figure!
Mitch: I wouldn't do that, especially not to a friend.
Eric: What? We're not friends, man. We never were. I only invited you over here 'cause I felt bad for you, but I don't like you. And guess what? Neither does anyone else.
Mitch: Fine. I won't bother you guys anymore. [exits and returns] And somebody needs to flip that in about three minutes. [exits]

Kelso: Well, that was brutal. I feel bad for the little guy. I just wanna put him up on my shoulders and buy him a balloon.
Donna: Eric, how could you? Mitch had a lot of good qualities, like, for example, he worshiped me. I mean, at one point, I thought he was gonna light a fire and dance around me.
Eric: Yeah, well, you know what? I was right, okay? He's a thief.
Kitty: [enters] Eric, were you playing in the bathtub with your little doll?
Eric: Action figure! Oh, no.
Hyde: In the tub, Forman? It is getting really hard to be your friend.

Kitty: Well, you know, I think you're lucky to be rid of Pam with her halter tops and her tight skirts. You know, I've never even seen a panty line on her. You know what that means.
Jackie: Plus, you're too nice for my mom anyway. You know, someday you're gonna make a slightly less-attractive woman very happy.
Pamela: Hello, Bob. No, it's not a beautiful dream, it's really me. I've been doing some thinking, Bob, and I realized that my priorities are a little mixed up.
Jackie: [gasps] I told her that. That was me. I saved the day!
Red: It doesn't matter how it happened. The important thing is she's back in our lives.

Pamela: Anyway, Bob, I realized that you're the man for me.
Bob: I'm sorry, Pam. It's too late. I'm completely over you. O-V-E-R. Over.
Pamela: And I want to move in with you.
Bob: Here's your key.
Donna: Dad? Are you sure this is a good idea?
Bob: She makes me happy, kitten.
Donna: Ugh. Fine. But I don't want to see, like, any of her panties laying around the house.
Kitty: Oh, don't worry. You won't.