Fez Quote #338
Quote from Fez in Jackie's Cheese Squeeze
Fez: Well, guys, uh, just so you're up to speed... [smacks lips] I knew about the kiss all along. Eric told me. He made me his secret squirrel.
Donna: What? That dill-hole said I was the only one he told.
Fez & Hyde: Me too!
Eric: [returns] It was hilarious. You guys should've seen it. Kelso's foot got stuck in a gopher hole, and- and- Hey, w-w-why are you guys all looking at me like that?
Fez: I was your secret squirrel, you son of a bitch.
Hyde: Get him.
Features in the collection: Fez: You Son of a Bitch.
That '70s Show Quotes
‘Fez: You Son of a Bitch’
Fez: So you're telling me that if I showed up at someone's house and say, "Trick or treat," they'll give me a free piece of candy?
All: Yes!
Fez: Oh, I don't believe you.
[cut to:]
Fez: Trick or treat. An apple? Where's my candy, you son of a bitch?
Quote from Fez in Dine and Dash
Fez: Uh, yes, excuse me. Um, would you please send your finest imported beer to Caroline and tell her that when I said "Hi" what I meant was, "I'll take you like a stallion." You got that? Like a stallion?
Jackie: Fez, stop ordering stuff.
Fez: Okay, you need to chill out, little girl. Didn't you hear Kelso? The Vineyard is having a dine-and-dash promotion. Everything is free.
Jackie: It's not free, Fez. "Dine and dash" is when you run out without paying.
Fez: So it's stealing? This isn't going to help me with Caroline, is it? Excuse me.
[After Fez whispers to Donna, she whispers to Eric, who gives Kelso a "wet willy"]
Kelso: Hey!
Fez: That's from me, you son of a bitch.
‘Jackie's Cheese Squeeze’ Quotes
Quote from Kelso
Eric: So, hey, Jackie, how's it going down at the cheese shop? You must be so tired from giving it away at the mall. [Donna, Fez & Hyde laugh]
Fez: What are you laughing at?
Hyde: I don't know. What are you laughing at?
Fez: I don't know.
Fez & Hyde: What are you laughing at?
Donna: I don't know.
Kelso: [laughs]
Donna, Fez & Hyde: What are you laughing at?
Kelso: I really don't know.
Quote from Eric
Jackie: Eric, did you get a haircut? 'Cause I love it. You look just like Parker Stevenson.
Eric: Oh, really? 'Cause I told the guy that he should- No, no, no! That's not gonna work, tramp-face. I saw tongue.
Jackie: Okay, Eric, I know you and I don't have the best relationship.
Eric: You mean, I hate you, and you hate me.
Jackie: Right. So, let's turn over a new leaf by you never telling Michael what you think you just saw.
Eric: Hmm. Or I could just torture you with this information until I'm bored.
Jackie: Eric.
Eric: Okay, you know what? I'll make you a deal. You can buy two guaranteed hours of silence by carving this wheel of cheddar into a handsome likeness of me. And go.
Quote from Red
Kitty: Red, dinner's ready.
Red: Five more minutes, Kitty. A bunch of birds threw a "crap on my Corvette" party. If I don't get it off, the paint will oxidize. Oxidize!
Kitty: Well, why don't you just put the car in the garage?
Red: Because if I put the car in the garage, I can't see it from the dinner table. Kitty, don't give advice about things you don't understand!
Kitty: Okay. I'm the crazy one.