Donna: This is stupid. I mean, why am I looking at a school I don't even want to go to? [sighs] I should've gone to U.W. with Eric. And I should've laughed at his thunderstorm jokes. You know, I bet those sluts at U.W. will laugh at them. Sluts!
Jackie: What, U.W. has sluts? Steven loves sluts.
Donna: He's not gonna do anything. He's with you now.
Jackie: Well, I don't know if he is or not. I mean, look. Last week, he called me his girlfriend. And then this week, I couldn't even trick him into promising me he wouldn't fool around with someone else. And I was very passive-aggressive.
Donna: I believe that.
Jackie: Donna, I promised to be faithful. And all he said was, "Good to know." "Good to know, " Donna! You know what, I am too depressed to go to orientation with you. Steven crushed my spirit, and now there's only one place I can turn to.
Donna: Please, God, don't let it be me.
Jackie: No. The cheerleading demonstration. I mean, at first, when they yell, "We've got spirit, how 'bout you?" Well, of course, I'll have to say no! But- But show me a human pyramid and a really sharp pom-pom waterfall and I'll get it back.

Kelso: Man, this place is awesome! Look, they even have dirty cartoons on the wall.
Hyde: Kelso, those are C.P.R. instructions.
Kelso: [chuckles] Wow, I've done C.P.R. a lot.

Red: I don't know about this place.
Kitty: I'll say. It's the middle of November. I don't see any Thanksgiving decorations.

Red: Hold it. Girls live here too?
Ted: Yes, sir. We're coed.
Kelso: Oh, nice.
Red: That's it! You're staying with us at the motel.
Eric: Wait. Dad, wait. Think of what a valuable experience this could be for me. I mean, this is my first step into the real world. [sighs] I'm your little bird, Dad. Give me wings to fly.
Red: Butch it up and get in the car.

Kelso: Excuse me.This is your C.P.R. coach. I'm gonna need to check your lung capacities! [laughs] That means their boobs.

Red: There's got to be at least one all-male dormitory on this campus. Ha! Here it is. Right in between the chapel and the School of Interior Design.

Red: Okay, boys. Time to leave.
Eric: Yes!
Fez: Mrs. Forman? I'm sorry. I washed my face with your ovaries.
Red: Get out.

Kelso: I see U.W. has a pretty good C.P.R. program. It's gonna be my major.

Eric: Did you just see that? I told Donna we could go to different schools and I was extremely wrong, and- Man, if she doesn't hate Marquette, we're screwed.
Hyde: Who cares, man? I just turned down a half-drunk college girl. I'm pretty sure she knew how to do stuff.

Donna: [on the phone] Eric? Is everything okay?
Eric: Yeah. Everything's fine. I just wanted to see how you liked Marquette. And, can I just say, if that snooty switchboard operator's attitude is any indication of the Marquette experience, then- [chuckles] I can only assume we're crossing Marquette off the list right now.
Donna: No, actually, it's great. Okay, they have this English professor. He wears a beret and a corduroy jacket, but he listens to Zeppelin!
Eric: Uh, yeah, well, U.W. has a vending machine, so... [scoffs] Donna, I love you.
Donna: I love you too. Bye.