Kelso: [on the phone] Hello? Brooke, it's me. Did you have the baby yet? No? Are you sure? Okay, well, I'm in the kitchen now, so... No, it's the same number, but I'm in the kitchen, so when you call... No, you just gotta think, "Kitchen, kitchen, kitchen." Okay. [hangs up]
Fez: This is so exciting. Yeah. You're going to be a father, and I'm going to be all alone. My clock is ticking.
Kelso: I just don't want to screw this thing up, you know? When that kid opens his eyes, I want his daddy, who loves him, to be the first thing he sees. Plus, I don't want him to get switched at birth with one of those babies that doesn't speak English.

Fez: I have to say, Mr. Barnett, it's nice to see another person of color in this town. White people, you know what I'm talking about?
William Barnett: Can't say that I do.
Fez: Oh, I hear you, brother man.

Jackie: I'm just so mad at that William Barnett. I mean, thinking you wanted something from him. Everyone knows I'm all you've ever desired.
Hyde: Look, if I was in his place, I probably would have thought the same thing, you know? It's not a big deal. I just wanted to meet the guy and find out if he looked like I imagined my father would look like. By the way, no.
Jackie: Well, who needs a father, anyway? You know what? I've been doing just fine since my dad disappeared into the jungles to bring freedom to the grateful natives.
Hyde: Jackie, your father is in prison for embezzling $60,000 from the city.
Jackie: I'm pretty, don't contradict me.

Kitty: I am so glad you're back. I felt horrible letting you go off without any leftovers.
William Barnett: It's nice meeting you, Red. And you're right. You have raised some fine young men.
[Eric is naked as he walks in, using a sign which reads "No Means No" to cover his private parts. He has "Pig" written across his forehead and "No Means No" on his chest]
Red: Yeah, I'm real proud of them.
Eric: They stole all my clothes.
Kitty: Who?
Eric: The angry mob of feminists.
William Barnett: Man, look at you. They even shaved off all your body hair.
Eric: Yes. Yes, they did.

Hyde: Man, I wish Mom had told me about you. Hey, when was the last time you saw her?
William Barnett: Oh, years ago. We were dating and she just disappeared. I guess she married the man you thought was your father and told him that you were his baby.
Hyde: Yeah. Mom must have been pretty relieved when I came out white, huh? [both laugh] [others belatedly laugh]

Eric: Hmm, blonde. More fun. Everything is more fun.
Fez: Donna, if you only knew what I'd like to do with you and your new hair, you would beat the crap out of me.
Donna: You know, I might just beat the crap out of you anyway.
Fez: Yes.

Hyde: So now that Donna's not Big Red anymore, I guess we have to go back to what we called her when she was 12. Jugs-a-popping.
Donna: Man, I hated Jugs-a-popping.
Hyde: Well, you shouldn't have had popping jugs.

Donna: Speaking of objectifying women, Jackie, there's a Take Back the Night rally tonight at the park. Do you wanna go?
Jackie: Oh, and be with your deep-voiced gal pals? Mmm! No, thank you.
Donna: This is important. Women should be able to walk through the park at night without being harassed by weirdo men.
Fez: Hey, that was one time!
Eric: I'll go.
Donna: Really? You'd be, like, the only guy there. Although, there is some question about Shirley.

Jackie: Yeah, it's my Steven's big night. He finally decided he wants to meet his real daddy.
Hyde: I kept hearing this voice telling me, "Meet your father. Meet your father." I finally said okay, Jackie shut the hell up.
Jackie: I did, it's a true story.

Kelso: [enters] Get off the phone! Okay, any minute now, Brooke is going into labor. All right? And I gave her the number of all the places I was gonna be. I cannot miss this call. Looking good there, Big Red.
Hyde: We're going with Jugs-a-popping again.
Kelso: Oh, that's a good one. And it's as true now as it was the first day of fifth grade. That was a popping summer.