Kitty: Why would you throw away the list of all the food the doctor said we couldn't have in the house?
Red: Kitty, did you look at that list? If I had known what I was coming home to after my heart attack, I would've walked straight into that bright light and never looked back.
Kitty: Oh, come on. It can't be that bad. I'll do it with you. 'Cause what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
Eric: Actually, Mom, Dad's the gander. The male goose. So it would be "what's good for the gander is good for the goose." So, let's take a gander at what you're giving up with the gander. [chuckles] That's how you do that.
Okay. "Potato chips, other salty snacks."
Kitty: Good advice. That doctor obviously knows what he's talking about.
Eric: "Butter, heavy cream, cheese."
Kitty: Gone, makes a lot of sense.
Eric: "Alcoholic beverages."
Kitty: Okay, that doctor's a quack.

Jackie: All right, Donna, put your chair here. I wanna get Steven's attention, and with you next to me I'll look like a tiny porcelain doll.
Donna: You know, Jackie, some people actually find me to be of normal height.
Jackie: Sure, if they're green and jolly.

Hyde: Just your luck, Forman. You're about to turn 18 and there's gonna be no hooch left in the house to steal. [Red and Kitty look at Hyde] I mean avoid. Do homework next to. Pray near. Come on!

Kelso: Ladies. Ladies' bodies.
Jackie: You know, I wish someone would rub lotion on my shoulders. Think they're getting a little red.
Hyde: Yeah, you should be careful. Looks like you're starting to scab.
Kelso: Oh, that's a burn about a burn. That's a second-degree burn!

Red: Yeah, it's gonna be pretty boring around here. You know what you should do? Go to college.
Eric: Mom, would it be too much to ask for Dad to be grateful that I'm staying?
Kitty: Honey, we're all going through hard times. You're giving up your future, I'm giving up my schnapps. Let's not compare our pain.

[circle:]
Eric: Hey, sorry I'm late. Donna was really upset about leaving, so I had to comfort her in a bedular way. It turns out if I get her sad, she gives it away like goldfish at a freaking carnival.
Fez: Eric, I think you may have found a secret "open sesame" to sex. Make the lady cry. Perhaps I should try that with my wife. "Laurie, here's a dead cat. Now do me."
Hyde: A little history, Fez. I think Laurie has a lot of "open sesames," like, "Hi, Laurie." That usually does it.
Kelso: Actually, I only ever got as far as "Hi." [laughs] Fez, I did it with your wife!
Eric: Yeah, I have so much power over Donna now, it's like... I know how Obi-Wan Kenobi feels. "These aren't the droids you're looking for." Man, I wish I could do it with Donna in a landspeeder on Tatooine. That would be so awesome.

Kelso: Look, Hyde, I know you don't wanna tell Jackie that you're sorry, but come on, there's gotta be some things that you did that you wish you hadn't done. Like that time that you told me to eat that stuff, and I didn't know what it was. And then you licked your lips and you rubbed your stomach and you were like, "Mmm, it's really good, Kelso." And then I ate it and then I wished I hadn't have done that.
Hyde: Yeah, well... Maybe with Jackie I was sort of impetuous and maybe a little rash. Now, see, that's something that Jackie ought to know.
[cut to:]
Kelso: Hyde says that he was sort of infectious and he has a rash.
Jackie: What?
Kelso: I'm just telling you what he said.

[After Red sneaks into the kitchen with a brown paper bag, he removes a can of beer and opens it]
Kitty: Busted, mister.
Red: You're like a damn cat. I'm gonna make you wear a bell.
Kitty: Bad health in a can, that's what that is. The doctor said he wants nothing like that around here, and I agree. All it takes is just, it's a little bit of will power, Red. [removes bottle of alcohol] Even though you used to do something without thinking, you just have to grab a hold of those thoughts. [pours glass and drinks]
Red: Can I get you a refill there?
Kitty: Well... There's a lesson for you. You're welcome.

Hyde: Why am I even thinking about her? Man, she's like Tahiti. It's warm and it's beautiful and you wanna go there, but when you do, you get bit by a mosquito and you get malaria and you're sick for the rest of your life.

Donna: You know, Jackie, I think maybe Hyde's moved on.
Jackie: No. No, no, no, no. You don't just move on from Jackie Burkhart. I'm like the bottle. You need a 12-step program to break my spell.