Bob: Hey, what's everybody doing here?
Red: Congratulations, Bob, you really out-barbecued me. I gotta say. You're one hell of a guy.
Kitty: [emotional] Oh, Bob. We just love you so much.
Bob: Midge, you told.
Kitty: [nervous laughter]
Red: Look, Bob. I just want you to know that... you've been a real good neighbor and a real good friend. And if you ever need it, I'm here for you.
Bob: Thanks, Red.
Red: Oh, but, uh I can't help you if you cry, Bob. Don't cry.
Bob: These are tears of joy, Red.
Red: Yeah, that's bad too, Bob.

Fez: Happy Veteran's Day. Now where have you hidden the chocolate eggs?
Eric: Uh, they're everywhere, Fez. Start looking.

Jackie: Donna, never have 17 syllables hurt me so much. Why would he want to hurt me like that?
Donna: Because you're stalking him, Jackie.
Jackie: No, really, Donna.
Donna: Jackie, really. You are to Hyde what Fez is to you.
Jackie: That's ridiculous. Fez and I will never happen. Oh, God. Steven and I will never happen.
Donna: Jackie, it's all right. You just gotta get over this and be strong.
Jackie: You're right, Donna. You're right. Oh, how I wish my daddy could buy him for me.
Donna: Yeah, I know. I know.

Bob: Hey, Red. Some parade, huh?
Red: Yeah, sure was, till the National Guard got there.
Bob: Look, I just came over to invite you to my barbecue.
Red: Your barbecue? Bob, I have an annual barbecue every Veteran's Day. It's my day because I'm a veteran.
Bob: Well, I'm a veteran too. And I'm having a barbecue, and you can't stop me. [walks out]
Jackie: Hey, Mr. Pinciotti, I didn't know you were in the Boy Scouts.
Bob: Ah.

Red: Here you go. Enjoy your burger.
Kitty: And thank you for choosing the Formans for your Veteran's Day celebration needs.
Red: Kitty, why is everybody over at Bob's?
Eric: They've got chicken.
Red: Chicken? Well, isn't that a surprise? A National Guardsman serving up chicken. Well, he's not gonna get away with this. Eric, chop up some onions and mix it in with the meat.
Eric: Why can't we just put the onions on top of the burger?
Red: Eric, do you want to win this thing or don't you?

Donna: Eric, can I talk to you?
Eric: Uh, not really, Donna. I got to bust hump. My dad wants to crush your dad's barbecue.
Donna: What? Why?
Eric: Well, apparently, my dad believes that if your dad's barbecue is better than his, America will fall to the Russkies.

Eric: Bad news, Dad. The Pinciottis have these.
Red: Red, white and blue napkins? That clever S.O.B. And I cheaped out and went for the plain white.
Eric: So what, now we surrender?
Red: Surrender? You know, if this were an actual war, you'd be the first in a body bag.
Eric: Yes, sir. I'm gonna go refill the ketchups.
Red: [soda can explodes over Red] Schlitz.

Laurie: Hey, Jackie. Who's that hot guy you brought with you?
Jackie: Back off! I need him for right now but you can have him when I'm done, as usual.
Laurie: Wait a second, Jackie. Are you working an angle here? Nice.
Jackie: No, there's no angle. I just want to see if I can make Steven jealous.
Laurie: So you're gonna sleep with him a couple of times and see what happens. Yeah, I've been down that road.
Jackie: No!
Laurie: Oh, you're such a child. Send him to my room when you're done.

Hyde: So, you and Jackie, huh?
Chip: Yeah, isn't she something?
Hyde: Sure.
Chip: Sometimes, though, I kind of hate it when she talks.
Hyde: [chuckles] I hear you.
Chip: And she's always talking. But, I figure it's worth it if I can nail her.
Hyde: Huh. Yeah, you should probably think about that, man. You know, I mean, Jackie's kind of young. She only had, like, one boyfriend, so...
Chip: Hey, that's not a big surprise. You know, she's a bitch.
Hyde: Oh, no. [decks Chip]
Jackie: Steven, what happened?
Hyde: What? Nothing. Just somebody... And then the guy said "bitch," and there's nothing.
Jackie: Oh, my God. He called me a bitch? And you hit him. And that's what happened, isn't it?
Hyde: No.
Jackie: Liar. I am the bitch, and you love me.
[fantasy: Hyde is a knight in shining armor on a white horse:]
Hyde: Stop staring at me. Quit it. I'm not this guy. Oh, God.

Red: Red, white and blue cheeseburgers. Eric, you're a genius.
[cut to:]
Donna: Voilà.
Bob: Sparkler dogs. God bless America.
[cut to:]
Eric: Freshly squeezed.
Red: That's fresh.
[cut to:]
Bob: Ah, beer in the bottle. That's class.
[cut to:]
Eric: The keg is tapped.
Red: Bend over and kiss it good-bye, Bob. Here comes the big one. [laughs]