Fez: Now, let's see. Where do I begin? I want it to look like it's coming right at me. [siren blares]
Police Officer: [over bullhorn] This is the Point Place Police Department. You're under arrest!
Fez: Um, I am a painter from a foreign country and this is my gift to America.
Police Officer: Get off the water tower.
Fez: People of America, I give you Genitals in the Sky.

Red: Everybody in the living room.
Kitty: [singsongy] You're gonna get it. You're gonna get it. Lay it on him, Red.
Red: [sighs] While I was fishing, I had a lot of time to think.
Kitty: That's right.
Red: And all that thinking made me very angry.
Kitty: Very angry.
Red: And the fish that were unlucky enough to cross my path... Well, you know how they say that fish can't feel pain? That's a load of crap.
Kitty: A big load.
Red: And I finally came to a conclusion that someone in this room is not going to like.
Kitty: That's you, porky mouth.
Red: Eric, I'm proud of you.
Kitty: And that goes double for- What the hell did you say?
Red: I did everything I could to stop you from getting married, but you stuck to your guns. And I admire that you're willing to go out on your own. You're a man now, and you have my blessing. [offers Eric his hand]
Donna: This is like The Godfather. I think you have to kiss his ring.

Kitty: How can you just give in and let Eric leave home? He has defied you over and over. He's a- a lying, cheating, conniving liar and I won't let you send my precious baby boy away!
Red: Kitty, my mind is made up. And, Eric, we're gonna pay for your college too.
Eric: Really? Dad, l-I don't know what to say to you, except... you're great! [hugs Red]
Red: That's all right, son. We don't do that here.
Kitty: Okay. Well. Well, this is nice. Since we're all happy, Eric doesn't have to leave three months early. He can go to school in the fall like everyone else. We can take a pottery class!
Red: No, Kitty, he's leaving. No pottery class, no mother-son dancing lessons, no trying out for Family Feud. But this deal is only good if you stay focused. If you do something stupid, like get Donna pregnant, you're on your own.
Donna: Then I guess this is a bad time to give you the news. I'm kidding! I'm just so giddy!

Kitty: What are you two doing?
Eric: Oh, we're looking for apartments in Madison. I can't believe it. It's like we leave in less than a week.
Kitty: Are you trying to kill me? Because that's what you're doing. You're killing your mother. You only get one, you know.
Donna: Eric, this place has a washer and dryer.
Eric: Wait. A washer and free water? Oh, my God, it's like there's no reason to ever come home.
Donna: I know.
Kitty: [laughs] Excuse me.

Kelso: Ah, it feels good to be back. Just Kelso and Hyde. No chick can come between us. All right. So what do you wanna do? We can play air hockey, give Fez a wedgie, uh- Oh, my brother just got a new stereo. We can throw it off an overpass.
Hyde: Actually, I changed my mind. I'm gonna get Jackie back.
Kelso: What? No way. What about our third-grade pact?
Hyde: We also made a pact to invent a formula for invisibility. Well, that fell through, too.
Kelso: Well, because you gave up.

Fez: "Dear President Jimmy Carter. The following is a list of reasons why I, Fez, should be allowed to stay in your great country. Number one: I have never gone number one on your beautiful soil. Number two: I have never gone number two on your- Wait. Scratch that. Number two: "Fez" is also a word for a hat. Uncle Sam wears a hat. Coincidence? [chuckles] Yes. Three, where else am I going to live? France? [bleep] France."

Laurie: Eric's moving away!
Kitty: That's right. And that's why your father's angry. This is your way of acting grown up? Grown-ups don't just leave the comfort of their parents' home to- to move to a new city and start a life?
Donna: Well, maybe not in the 1930s. '40s. God, you're so young.
Kitty: Well, I think this is nuts. Don't you just think this is nuts? The whole thing is just- just nuts! [utensils clattering]
Eric: Mom, I kinda think you're the one who's being-
Kitty: Oh, if you say I'm nuts, you're going right through that sliding door. I don't enjoy telling you this, but you just wait until your father gets home. All right. I did enjoy that.

Laurie: This is all your fault.
Eric: Yeah. Hey, Laurie, uh, quick impression: Who am I? "Hey, Eric, why don't you tell Dad you're moving after graduation so he'll kill you and I can reclaim my rightful place as the chosen one?"
Laurie: Eric, you don't understand. This time I actually meant well.
Eric: That's what you said at the county fair after you locked me in the Porta-Potty with a goat.
Laurie: He was friendly.
Eric: He was horny!

Jackie: Okay. Look. Michael, just because Steven and I broke up, does not mean Iwant you throwing yourself at me.
Kelso: Whoa. Jackie, this is the new and improved Michael. Okay? I'm not throwing anything at you except for happy thoughts and jelly beans. Like, sex is, like, the furthest thing from my mind. So... [sighs] It's really over between you two, huh?
Jackie: Yeah. Yeah, I think it is.
Kelso: So why do we still have clothes on?
Jackie: Oh, God. Michael, get out!
Kelso: Oh, Jackie, I'm talking about our emotional clothes. Okay, look, I know I've made mistakes in the past, okay? But I've changed, and I just want you to get to know the new me.
Jackie: Yeah, the new you, huh? What does the new you cheat with every skank who throws her fat, furry butt at you?
Kelso: Jackie, no one I ever cheated with had a fat, furry butt! If anything, it was one or the other.

Fez: Okay, now cross and uncross your legs. Um. Hmm. Hmm, okay, now make a face like... like, "Oops, did I do something bad?" [shutter clicking] Okay, now-now crawl to me. Good. Good. Now crawl away from me. Ooh, sexy.
Hyde: Come on, Donna. Throw him a bone, huh? There's only so much satisfaction the kid can get from the back of a panty hose package.
Fez: Yes, Donna. I have a lot to do. After this I have to get Lindsay Wolfe to sign my yearbook, then show her that she's actually signed a pledge to do it with me three times.
Donna: Why three?
Fez: Well, because the first time I'll be nervous. And then the second time I'll have to please her because I got nervous. But then the third time... The third time is when I get funky.