Kelso: So, Hyde gave Jackie some jelly beans today.
Hyde: Who cares?
Kelso: Yeah, well, you should, because they were pink and that is the bean of love. And I got her that particular bean because I never stopped loving her.
Hyde: Yeah, well, you stopped long enough to cheat on her with Pam Macy, Laurie and Annette. Who else am I forgetting?
Kelso: [chortles] There were many others. But you cheated on her with a nurse.
Hyde: It was a misunderstanding that you caused. That's it. Let's go.
Kelso: Oh, yeah? I'm ready. I hope you got that nurse's number. You're gonna need it when I'm done.

Kelso: Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
Hyde: Kelso, what are you writing?
Kelso: "Michael plus Jackie."
Hyde: I'm kicking your ass!
Kelso: Ah, you can't kick my ass from down there. All you can do is punch my ass.
Hyde: Hey, get down!
Kelso: Just face the fact, Hyde. You're down there and I'm up here, and I am invincible. [falls]
Fez: Kelso, are you okay?
Kelso: I think I fell!

Eric: You hear that?
Donna: Sounded like your dad's car.
Eric: Run for it.
Kitty: No, you don't. You made your bed. Now you have to lie in it. Oh, who am I kidding? You never make your bed.
Donna: Eric, wait. Listen. If you leave now, you'll never get back in. That means good-bye to your clothes, your furniture...
Eric: [gasps] My G.I. Joes. We stay.

Kelso: Thanks for driving me to the hospital, man.
Hyde: Oh, whatever.
Kelso: No. Not "whatever." I mean, look. You drove me because we've been buds forever. I- It's like, why are we fightin' over a girl, man? Remember in third grade when we were both in love with Miss Hamill and we fought over her? And then after you pulled my head out of the toilet, and I let go of your bean bags, we made a pact to never fight over a girl again.
Hyde: You know, you're right, man. I mean, neither of us has a shot with Jackie anyway. So I'm stepping back.
Kelso: No. No, no. You go for it. I'll step back.
Hyde: No, I'm serious. Door's open for you.
Kelso: No, I'm serious. The door is open for you.
Hyde: I just closed the door for me!
Kelso: Well, I'm closing the door for me and I'm locking myself inside, and I'm swallowing the key.
Hyde: Fine. We're both done with her. You're my bud. [pats Hyde's arm]
Kelso: You're my bud. [pats Kelso's arm] Aah!
Hyde: I was wondering if that would work, and it did.

Jackie: Steven! Are you okay?
Hyde: Why?
Jackie: Well, I heard someone fell off the water tower, and I thought it could be you. I-
Hyde: No, it was Kelso. [Jackie exhales] Wait. You came down here, 'cause you were worried about me.
Jackie: No, I didn't.
Hyde: 'Cause you still care about me.
Jackie: Uh-uh.
Hyde: So I still have a shot with you.
Jackie: No. No, you don't. I mean, okay. I don't know. Steven, stop staring at me, or I'll kick you. [kicks Hyde]
Hyde: Ah.

Kelso: Jackie, hope you didn't come here to make love to me.
Jackie: No, Michael. I-
Kelso: 'Cause I'm fine. All I need is my buddy Hyde. And no chick is gonna come between us anymore. Right, Hyde?
Hyde: Uh-h-h, yeah.
Kelso: Yeah. Let's go, buddy Hyde. [pats Hyde] Aah!

Donna: Look at all the apartments they have in Madison. This place even pays utilities.
Eric: Oh, cool. What are utilities?
Donna: I think it's, like, gas and water.
Eric: Free water? Um, you know what that means? Free ice.

Hyde: Look, Kelso. I never felt this way about a girl before, okay? And that pretty much beats our third-grade pact. I'm sorry, but I wanna be with her.
Kelso: Well, at the hospital, you said that I could have her.
Hyde: That was when I didn't think I still had a shot with her.
Kelso: Your- For your information, I still have a shot with her. She accepted my jelly beans.
Hyde: I don't know what that means, but you can't have her. You closed the door.
Kelso: Yeah? Well, now I'm closing the door on you, and once again, I'm swallowing the key. And you're locked inside, and I'm getting Jackie back.
Hyde: Well, you're gonna lose. Heh-heh.
Kelso: Yeah? Well, if by "lose" you mean "win," then you're right. I am gonna lose. [chortles]

Eric: Pop-Tarts? Where's Mom?
Red: She went fishing. Shut up and eat.