Jackie: Okay. This is my Michael box. I saved everything that loser ever gave me. Hmm. [holds up plastic chicken] One-year anniversary. What a moron!
Donna: Well, you know, I guess Kelso's really history for you. I never thought that'd happen till you met someone else. You met someone else!
Jackie: [scoffs] What? Someone else? That's crazy! You're crazy. Shut your piehole!

Eric: Hey, check it out. I was at the bakery, and this crumb cake came fresh out of the oven. And when I think crumb cake, I think Bob.
Bob: Uh-huh. What do you want?
Eric: I want to talk to you about Donna and that Catholic school.
Bob: Crumb cake isn't gonna get me to change my mind.
Eric: Are you sure? [sniffs] Those are real crumbs.
Bob: She's going to that school, and that's final.
Eric: Okay. Fine. But know this. I am prepared to fight this with every fiber of my being.
[Eric hears a choir singing as Donna walks into the kitchen in her Catholic school uniform]
Eric: On the other hand... you- you can't put a price on a good education.

Jackie: Okay, so, um, what exactly did you see?
Eric: Hands, tongues. Yours, his. It was horrible!
Donna: You were like Siamese twins joined at the beard.

Eric: This is impossible. You two hate each other.
Donna: Kelso is gonna freak out!
Eric: [gasps] Kelso!
Hyde: Settle down, Esmeralda. Kelso doesn't need to know about this.
Jackie: Yeah, look, it's just a meaningless fling, okay? We can stop whenever we want.
Eric: Well, then maybe you should.
Jackie: Why do you even care?
Eric: Because you're breaking up the band, Yoko!

Jackie: Okay, fine. Look, I'll just tell you what happened. It was a few weeks after Donna and Michael left... [flashback:]
Jackie: [v.o.] ...and Steven invited me over to listen to a new record.
Hyde: I'm glad you're here. Check it out. [holds up record] [ABBA's "Dancing Queen" plays] Isn't it the coolest? Don't you just wanna shake it? [record scratches]
[present:]
Hyde: Wait. Time out on the field. I don't shake it, and I don't listen to ABBA.
Jackie: Whatever. It's my story. Anyway...
[flashback:]
Jackie: [v.o.] I could totally tell he was trying to make a move. Then he held me real close and said...
Hyde: May I kiss you, milady?
[present:]
Donna: Hyde, I had no idea you could be so formal.
Hyde: Come on. She's so full of crap.
Eric: Then why don't you tell us what really happened, milady?

Hyde: So I'm hanging out in the basement like I usually do...
[flashback:]
Hyde: [v.o.] when Jackie showed up. It was obvious she wanted me.
Jackie: I want you.
Hyde: That's obvious. [they kiss]
[present:]
Jackie: God, that's crazy. No, you so came on to me first.
Donna: You said that you didn't have a new boyfriend.
Jackie: He is not my boyfriend.
Hyde: I'm not her boyfriend. They just don't get it.
Jackie: No. Why would they? Let's go, baby.

Eric: I'm leaving too. This basement's tainted for me now.
Donna: Well, I still want to know how the hell all this happened.
[title: "What Really Happened"; flashback:]
Jackie: Another old lady. She can't even reach the wheel!
Hyde: I can't watch The Price is Right again. I just can't.
Jackie: God, the summer totally sucks. There's nothing to do. [they kiss]
Woman: [on TV] I bid one dollar, Bob.
[Hyde and Jackie kiss again]

Kitty: Oh, look how cute in her little uniform.
Red: I'm gonna have to lock him in his room and poke his eyes out.

Kelso: Here's what I don't get about Fantasy Island. You know when you get off the plane, and you see Mr. Roarke and that little kid in the white suit? Well, if it's me, I'm like, "This is creepy," right? So I just grab a free daiquiri and I'm out of there.

Kelso: Oh, Catholic school? That's rough. Yeah, my dad took away my slingshot, so I'm feeling it pretty bad too.