Red: So, I guess this is the way an immature, engaged, high school dumbass with no car, no job and no money trims the hedges.
Hyde: That was like eight burns in one sentence.
Donna: An octo-burn. Let's get the hell out of here.

Red: You think my problem is my own son? My son is a fine young man.
Eric: Wow, Dad, you don't have...
Red: Shut up, dumbass. You know less about my family than you do about football! Which isn't saying much, since you dropped every pass that came near you! And let me tell you something else. When a real Packer hurts his leg, he stuffs his kneecap back in and keeps on running!
Eric: That's what this little mushroom would have done.

Bob: A little time apart will do you kids some good. So, Donna, I transferred you to the Catholic high school, Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow.
Donna: What?
Bob: That's right. You're starting this week so you better get out your Bible and brush up on your Ten Commandments and that thing about the dwarfs.

Eric: Look, Dad, I need my car. Don't you remember when you were in high school? I bet you had some good times driving around senior year with your friends.
Red: My senior year, I was driving a gunboat around Okinawa. And if you count the Japanese snipers as my friends... then, yes, I had some good times.
Kitty: You have to understand, Eric. It's not that your father's trying to be a bad guy. It's just that he's been irreparably damaged by war.

Kitty: We are very disappointed in you, Eric. Even though going to California to rescue Donna is one of the most romantic things I've ever heard of.
Bob: That's true. If he had gone by horse, they would have made it a movie.