‘(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction’
Season 7, Episode 3 - Aired September 22, 2004
As Red makes a big decision about his future, Eric has the bright idea of vandalizing a closed-down muffler repair shop. Jackie urges Hyde to contact his father again. Meanwhile, Kelso has a new attitude towards women now that he's a father.
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: Well, it's clear these baby pictures are having the desired effect. Oh, and here's another one after we hosed her off and warmed her up.
Kimberly: Oh, she's so cute. Almost as cute as you.
Kelso: Yeah, she wishes.
Kimberly: Oh, my gosh! I had that same blankie when I was a baby. My daddy use to wrap me in it after my bath.
Kelso: Your daddy? Oh, my God. You're somebody's daughter?
Kimberly: So?
Kelso: So, I'm thinking about how I would feel if my baby girl was out with a guy like me. And it is not good. I'm all hands.
Kimberly: That's okay, because I want you to... [whispers in Kelso's ear]
Kelso: Dude, that is not what that is for!
Quote from Eric
Red: Kitty, come on in here. Boy, have I got big news.
Kitty: What's going on?
Red: We just came from the bank. You know that muffler shop that went out of business?
Kitty: Mmm-hmm.
Red: I bought it.
Eric: Oh, no! [sings] Do the "Oh, no" Oh, no! Do the "Oh, no" Oh, no! Come on, everybody! Do the "Oh, no" Say what? Do the "Oh, no" Right now.
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: Then I realized that Kimberly is some guy's daughter. Yeah, and he probably loves her as much as I love my daughter. And then I had to go and take a boiling hot shower and scrub until a little skin came off.
Hyde: So the joy of having a daughter has come with some tragedy. You can no longer treat women like meaningless whores.
Fez: Sucker.
Quote from Kelso
Donna: You know, I just don't believe that you've changed this much. For example, what would you do if I were to lean way over like this?
Fez: What are you doing? Grab it, man.
Kelso: I can't. I respect women now. Listen, what am I gonna do?
Hyde: It's no big deal, man. You can just never have sex again.
Kelso: With this body? All right. People would riot in the streets.
Donna: You know, you could engage in a meaningful relationship.
Kelso: What... Donna, this is no time for your feminist mumbo-jumbo.
Jackie: Okay, wait, you guys, he doesn't wanna change. He wants to feel like he's respecting women while still acting like a shallow creep.
Kelso: You know, you've always gotten me, Jackie.
Quote from Fez
Kelso: That's it. I need a loophole so I can keep doing what I'm doing without being a bad father. The father. The father is the key.
Fez: Oh, so we kill the father.
Kelso: That's- That's not what I meant.
Fez: Oh, me either.
Quote from Jackie
Hyde: Why can't you guys just let me do things my own way?
Jackie: Because I know meeting your dad meant a lot to you.
Kitty: And every time something means a lot to you, you push it away before it can push you away.
Jackie: And every time something means a lot to me, I smother it, which is why we're such a good couple.
Hyde: Fine, I'll call, if you both promise to stop bothering me about it, let me do it by myself.
Kitty: Absolutely.
Jackie: Anything you want.
[Hyde dials the phone]
Kitty: I wish I had a camera. Can I just get a picture of you holding the phone?
Hyde: I'm hanging up.
Jackie: We're going. Going.
Hyde: [on the phone] Yeah, hi, William Barnett, please. Hey, man, it's Steven.
Jackie: [runs in] Tell him you love him. Daddy! Daddy, he loves you!