Kelso: Man, we gotta have this place. It's perfect for the baby. It already smells a little bit like throw up.
Fez: Mrs. Forman, you found us a great apartment. I could just kiss you. Can I kiss you?

Kitty: Bob, what are you doing here? [chuckles] You're selling your house because you're broke. I knew something was wrong when I didn't see you wearing fur this winter.
Bob: No, I come to open houses to meet women. If a lady's looking for her own place, she's either single or running away from a bad relationship. Either way, I win.

Jackie: Oh, everything is set for the party tonight. Oh, and, Fez, I need you to get there a little early so you can park everyone's cars.
Fez: Sorry, Jackie, I can't make it.
Jackie: What?
Fez: Yeah, Kelso and I have to go find an apartment tonight or Red is going to kill me in my sleep.
Kelso: Yeah, and I can't let Fez go alone.
Jackie: Why not?
Kelso: 'Cause then I'll have to go to your party, which I don't want to do.
Hyde: Whoa. No, no, no. Kelso, you have to go. If you're not there and Fez is not there, it's gonna be pretty damn obvious that I'm not there.
Jackie: Okay, Steven, I understand you don't like dinner parties, but just let me make my case. [kicks Hyde] You're going!

Eric: You know, the more I read this chiropractor booklet, the more I'm starting to see that this might be the perfect job for me. Like, it says right here, you need soft hands. How many times have you said you didn't even know I was touching you? Here, let me get a crack at that neck.
Donna: Whoa. Shouldn't we wait until you're, like, a little more experienced?
Eric: Experienced? Donna, I'm on page 12. Let's do this. [bone crackling]
Donna: Ow!
Eric: Uh-oh. That did not sound good.
Donna: Eric, I can't move my neck. Fix it.
Eric: Okay, I'm sure the booklet says something about... Oh, here it is. Um, okay, I'm gonna need you to sign a release of liability.

Eric: How you doing, my little buttercup?
Donna: Great. The Brady Bunch is so much funnier sideways.

Jackie: Okay, so, at my party tonight, I want everyone to give heartfelt speeches about me, okay? So here they are.

Eric: I'm afraid I'm out, too. I gotta tend to my crooked little flower here.
Donna: You know, Eric, calling me cute little nicknames doesn't make up for what you did.
Eric: Okay. Hey, whatever you say, my little crazy straw.

Jackie: I can't believe everyone bailed out on me. You know, tonight was really important to me, and it's like no one even cares.
Hyde: Jackie, you look like you really need to talk this through, huh? I'll go get Mrs. Forman.

Red: Are you Fenton? I'm here to talk to you about the apartment.
Fenton: Well, you're in luck, it's still available. And FYI, so am I.
Red: Look, I have a wife.
Fenton: Well, I have a football, but I never use it.

Kelso: Red, I know you said wait in the car, but Fez keeps playing his crazy bongo music.
Fez: It's called jazz, you Philistine.