‘Gimme Shelter’
Season 7, Episode 20 - Aired March 30, 2005
As Eric searches for direction he considers following Kitty's advice and becoming a chiropractor. Meanwhile, Fez and Kelso search for an apartment together.
Quote from Red
Kelso: We found one place yesterday that was perfect, but we can't get it 'cause Fez and the landlord are having a feud.
Red: Well, you're not spending another night under my roof. So come on, we're gonna go have a chat with this landlord. What's this guy got against you anyway?
Fez: Ah, who knows? That's like asking you why you hate commies. You don't know why. You just do.
Red: I know exactly why I hate commies. They wouldn't stop shooting at me.
Fez: Okay, then something else you hate.
Kitty: Oh, you should have said the Vienna Boys' Choir.
Red: I just want to punch them in the mouth.
Quote from Red
Fenton: Oh, you're with them. Deal's off. I have to get to yoga.
Red: Hey, can't we talk about this?
Fenton: No.
Fez: See, I told you he was going to be...
Red: Just shut it or I'll shut it for you.
Fenton: Well, you just don't take crap from anyone, do you, Mr. Man?
Kelso: I knew this was gonna be a waste of time. Come on, Fez. We'll go figure out some other place to live with the baby.
Fenton: Baby? No one mentioned they had a baby. That... That's so progressive.
Red: Progressive?
Fenton: Well, how can I not give the apartment to two men raising a child together?
Red: Oh. Yeah, progressive. Yeah, that's what they are. They're as progressive as hell. Why, they're like newlyweds.
Fenton: Oh. Mmm. I wish I knew what that was like. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. [chuckles]
Quote from Eric
Eric: Oh. You know what? You guys suck. Whenever you're in trouble, I don't burn you. I mean, you know, usually 'cause it's hard for me to think of things right on the spot, but also 'cause, you know, I try to help.
Donna: That's actually true. I mean, Fez, remember when you wanted to learn how to kiss, and Eric taught you by sticking M&M's to the mirror?
Fez: That never happened. I know how to kiss. Ah, shut it, Donna.
Eric: Yeah, and, Kelso, how about that time I stayed up with you all night to study for that math final? I mean, sure, nothing stuck, but, you know, I blame nature for that.
Kelso: Yep, some people you just can't reach. [knocks on his own head]
Hyde: You know, Forman, if you can teach Fez how to kiss and Kelso how to do math, you can probably teach anybody anything. Why don't you just become a teacher?
Donna: That actually makes a lot of sense. I mean, you have all this knowledge about stuff you have no ability to do.
Eric: A teacher? Well, I do like helping people. I mean, I'd love to help kids. Yeah. Like, "Mr. Forman." That just feels really great. Yeah, a teacher. That just feels so right.
Quote from Hyde
Hyde: There it is. Forman's gonna be a teacher. This calls for a toast. All right. [all open beers] To Forman.
Fez: To Forman.
Jackie: [enters] What's going on? You guys are all too busy to come to my party, and here you are, having a party.
Hyde: For you. To Jackie.
All: To Jackie.
Jackie: Okay, I don't believe you. But as long as I'm center of attention, I'll take it.
Eric: Jackie, grab a beer. This is a great day. You graduated, they found an apartment, and guess what? I'm gonna be a teacher.
Quote from Kelso
Jackie: Steven, this dinner party is an important event to mark my entrance into womanhood.
Donna: Didn't that happen three years ago in the backseat of Kelso's car?
Kelso: I love talking about this in front of Hyde.
Hyde: Yeah, me, too, 'cause that way I can do this. [punches Kelso's arm]
Kelso: Too hard.
Quote from Hyde
Jackie: I'm so glad I graduated high school. You know, it is such a relief to finally know everything.
Eric: I can't believe I graduated a year ago. It's like I feel like I've done nothing. Man, time really flies when you take two naps a day.
Donna: Well, I wouldn't say you've done nothing. I mean, you've... Wow, you've really sat on your ass.
Hyde: Yep, Forman, we've all passed you by. I'm running a record store, Donna's a DJ, Kelso's a cop. Even Fez has a job now. What is it again, man, shower girl? Makeup lady?
Fez: Shampoo boy!
Hyde: Hey, I was close.
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: So, you're gonna be a chiropractor, huh? All right, every chick patient that you have, you have to tell her the problem is her tailbone, that way you get to grab around on her butt.
Eric: Kelso, I'm doing this 'cause I wanna help people. A handful of ass is just a perk.
Quote from Kitty
Kitty: Michael, I circled some apartment listings for you and Fez. I found a great apartment for Janet Meyers after her divorce. It has a Murphy bed for when her kids come to visit. They never do. She's in AA.
Quote from Fez
Kelso: Look at all these places for rent. Man, I hope we can find one that's got everything my baby needs.
Fez: Oh, Kelso, you're always putting me first.
Kelso: Not you, moron. Betsy, my daughter. It's amazing how one tiny person has changed my life so much.
Fez: You changed mine, too.
Quote from Eric
Dr. Don: Dr. Don loves being a chiropractor, and you know why? Because the cosmos has ordained Dr. Don to make people feel good.
Donna: Do you get the feeling that Dr. Don writes himself a few too many prescriptions?
Eric: No, I think he's cool, and I love the way he calls himself Dr. Don. Eric's impressed.
Dr. Don: Within these hands lies an unexplainable magic that melts away the troubles of the world. And Dr. Don will prove it to you by demonstrating on this attractive blonde in the front row.
Donna: Uh, no, I'm only here to make sure my boyfriend doesn't sneak out to play Space Invaders.
Dr. Don: Step on up here, little lady.
Eric: Donna, come on. I need to make a good impression. Look, one little medical experiment isn't gonna kill you.
Dr. Don: Come on. Here we go, right on up here. And now just relax. Dr. Don has been known to cause patients serious joy. [bone crackling]
Donna: Wow. That felt great.
Dr. Don: Uh-oh. I think your tailbone's out of whack.
Eric: All right, show's over.