Kelso: Okay, Fez, this bedroom's clearly better 'cause it has its own bathroom, so I'm gonna go ahead and be the bigger man and give it to myself.
Fez: But I need a room with its own bathroom. Otherwise I'm gonna have to walk through the living room when, you know, when I have a moment with myself.
Kelso: That's too bad. I want it.
Fez: I want it.
Kelso: Well, I want it.
Fez: I want it.
Kelso: I want it!
Fez: I'll kill you.
Kelso: What?

Fez: Okay, wait, wait. Fine, you can take it. I don't want it anyway. I was in there earlier and I heard voices.
Kelso: Voices? What kind of voices?
Fez: Well, they weren't unfriendly. They kept saying, "Get out."
Kelso: I don't want the haunted room.
Fez: Well, I don't want it.
Kelso: Well, I don't want it.
Fez: Okay, fine. I'll take the room of death. But you owe me one.
Kelso: Thanks, man.

Kitty: I brought you a housewarming gift. Glass grapes. [laughs] Every so often someone tries to eat one, it's a real conversation starter.
Fez: I remember.

Kitty: You know, it looks like you might need some help unpacking.
Red: Kitty, no.
Kitty: Oh, just sit. I'll just be a minute. But remember, you are a guest in these kids' home. Just like they've been a guest in our home for years.
Red: Yeah. I'm a guest. Just like they've been guests in my house.
[Red grabs the bowl of chips and turns the TV over]
Fez: Hey, that was my program.
Red: Yeah, that's a bummer. [dumps chips on couch] Oops.
Kelso: What- What kind of animal just dumps food on someone's couch?
Red: I'll clean it up later, dude.

Eric: [to the pull-up bar] Okay, that's it. You're going down. Or, I mean, I'm coming up.

Kelso: All right, all moved in. Chateau Kelso is open for business. You know, "chateau" is German for "mister."

Red: You boys are gonna need a plumber. I tried to flush your pillow down the toilet, it just wouldn't go. Ooh! Matches.

Jackie: So, we're gonna have to skip the swimsuit competition because Fez won't promise not to show us his wee-wee. So we're gonna go right into interview. Each of you will have to answer the question, "Why do you deserve the better room?" Michael, you go first.
Kelso: Okay. Well, Judges, you may look in there and see just a room, but I see a place where I can raise my daughter, and watch her grow, and create memories, until the day that I see her walk out that door. And then through the living room here and out the main door.
Jackie: Michael, that's really beautiful.
Hyde: Yeah, Kelso, real nice.
Fez: Let me tell you a story about a young boy who dreamt of one day being in America. In a room just like that. And with a tear in his eye he said... [speaks gibberish] Which means, "I want it." "I want it." I want it.
Jackie: Well, now I vote they both get the room.
Hyde: I guess the only way to solve this is a foot race to the room. Go.
Kelso: It's mine! Ha! I got here first, the room is mine. [opens door] Gross! Old people sex!
Kitty: [o.s.] Red, you said you locked the door.
Red: [o.s.] Sorry, dudes.
Kelso: Room's yours.

Kitty: One hundred. You know, I bet we could make it to 200 if that shirt wasn't weighing you down.
Casey Kelso: Well, the only way this shirt's coming off is if I get a kiss from the best-looking lady in Point Place.
Kitty: Well, bring it in dreamboat.
[Kitty wakes up on the couch]
Kitty: Oh, Casey!
Red: "Oh, Casey"?
Kitty: [sings] Oh, Casey, you see By the dawn's early light [talks] I just had the most patriotic dream.

Hyde: I gotta admit, Forman, it's nice finally seeing you do something with your life. Almost inspires me to make my record store the best damn store in the region. Nah.