Jeff: Okay, a little corporate intel. Neil has three assistants. Hopefully, we get Charlene. She's new. She's real eager to please. Her father just died, so don't mention that.
Amy: I wouldn't. It's fine, I'm just gonna put on my sweet and innocent voice, and bam, they won't even know what they're confessing to.
Jeff: That's great, they're gonna be putty in your hands. Putty. [phone line ringing]
Gail: [answers phone] Neil Penderson's office, this is Gail.
Jeff: Who the [bleep] is Gail?
Amy: Ssh. [on the phone] [disguised voice] Um, hi! I'm calling from Immigration and Customs Enforcement, and I just need to verify some records.
Jeff: Work it. Just work that putty.

Cheyenne: Mmm. Mmm. Okay, I like that I can't taste any of the flavors in here. It just tastes sweet, which, again, I like. And this one, while the flavor isn't as good, I do appreciate the presentation.
Marcus: Thank you, I chose to put the entire Snickers bar in there in case you wanted a snack after.
Glenn: I could put food in there too. I got a club sandwich in the fridge.
Cheyenne: Actually, do you know what would go really good with this? Disney World tickets.
Glenn: I can do that! I just need to get my credit card.
Marcus: That's not fair. I don't know where to get a credit card. [both run off]
Garrett: You know you don't have the authority to assign lockers, right?
Cheyenne: Yeah, I'm just doing this to get stuff.
Garrett: Mateo would be proud.
Cheyenne: I know.

Dina: Well, well, well. Look who I caught red-handed with your pants down and egg all over your tiny, tiny, bush baby face.
Sandra: Dina, you want some cake? [Dina slaps the plate away]
Dina: You just couldn't help yourself, could you? You had to make me look like an a-hole.
Jerry: Hi, Dina.
Dina: Nobody asked you!
Jonah: Dina, I wasn't trying to make you look bad. I just felt bad for Sandra.
Dina: Everybody feels bad for Sandra! But I get it. If this is what I need to do to stop you from humiliating me, I'll do it. I'll violate the Internet. All right, everybody, this isn't the real party. The real party is gonna happen Saturday morning at 7:00 a.m.
Sandra: Um, Saturday's actually my day off.
Jerry: And I used my last sick day today.
Dina: Oh, Jerry, no one's gonna notice if you're not there. Now, obviously, it's mandatory for you.
Sandra: Okay. Do you need me to bring anything?
Dina: Cups would be nice. Not plastic, though. Glass. Drinks. And probably food. People are gonna want to eat at this thing, right? Food. Yeah, maybe empanadas?

Sandra: Hey, guys. I brought some chili pepper lights to spice up the party. That's what the package says. Oh, you guys are eating cake already.
Cheyenne: Sandra, look. Mateo got out.
Mateo: Hey, Sandra! Sorry, I know this is probably all for you, but I just... [Sandra hugs Mateo]
Dina: Sandra, Jesus, let Mateo finish eating your cake. Sorry, she's been turning into a bit of a bridezilla.

Mateo: I mean, this is all very sweet of you guys.
Glenn: Mateo, I just want to say, I am so happy this is finally over.
Mateo: Thanks, but it's not over, I'm just out on bond while I go through deportation proceedings.
Glenn: Yeah, well, at least you're free.
Mateo: Well, I do have to wear this ankle monitor. So not exactly free.
Glenn: I once ate a pencil 'cause I thought it was chocolate.

Garrett: Hey, man, I need you to go to Dollywood with me for Jerry's bachelor party.
Jonah: Um, what?

Marcus: Tita Irma! Ah! Kumusta na po?
Amy: Oh, that's right. You two are roommates.
Irma: Mm-hmm. It's been so good to have him around.
Marcus: Ah.
Irma: Wait, anak. You forgot your lunch, Marcus.
Marcus: Ah.
Irma: Please don't forget to eat, huh?
Marcus: I do. I forget to eat. Tita, what would I do without you? Mwah.

Sandra: So, do you need me to stay out of any particular area while you set up something special?
Dina: Sandra, again, I'm not throwing you an engagement party. Not today. Not ever.
Sandra: [laughs] Okay, whatever you say.

Amy: And then I ended with, "Mateo's dedication to customer service is unmatched, and his work ethic is an example for us all."
Jonah: Oh, did you use my line about how the flag is made up of the threads of immigrants?
Amy: Um, I just wasn't sure that it... meant anything.

Sandra: So? What do you guys think?
Garrett: Uh, what do we think of what?
Sandra: I got a brand-new polo. Can't you smell it? Fresh out of the bag.
Garrett: Oh, yeah, for sure.
Jonah: A bag, wow.
Sandra: I just thought I'd look my best because of the, um... [whispering] engagement party. I can't wait to send pictures to my mom. I even went out and bought a camera phone.
Garrett: Yeah, you know what, Sandra, Dina's not...
Jonah: You look great, Sandra. Doesn't she's look great? That's the perfect outfit for the party.
Sandra: Aww, thank you, Jonah, you flirt. [giggles]