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Forced Hire

‘Forced Hire’

Season 5, Episode 3 -  Aired October 10, 2019

Dina is apoplectic when her nemesis, Colleen from the Bel-Ridge branch, starts work at the store. Meanwhile, Jonah needs Marcus's help to get the warehouse guys to join the union.

Quote from Dina

Garrett: [over PA] Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers. Just a reminder about our emotional support snake policy. We don't have one, so please do not bring your... [Dina grabs the microphone]
Dina: You know how I said there's no way I will ever forgive you for what happened to my birds? Well, guess what? There is a way. I need you to make Colleen quit because I hate her.
Garrett: Okay, so you hate Colleen, you hate me... How many enemies do you have?
Dina: 37. 36, and then my bitch neighbor had a baby.
Garrett: All right, look, Dina, I don't have any beef with this woman and I don't know how you'd go about making someone quit.
Dina: Well, you managed to make my birds quit living. I'm sure you can figure something out. Just get her out of here and make sure I'm not tied to it at all and I'll stop doing things like this. [knocks over drink]
Garrett: That was Elias's.
Dina: Oh, well, that's fine. Elias is also on my list.


Quote from Mateo

Mateo: [groans] God, this sucks. I just feel so useless. And not like the way most people here are useless. I just mean, like, no purpose.

Quote from Mateo

Mateo: It's supposed to be a pyramid. I think you, of all people, could handle that.
Sayid: I'm Syrian, not Egyptian.
Mateo: Clearly.
[later, Mateo stops Sarah as she stacks a shelf of cleaning products:]
Mateo: Don't mind me... just making it not look like crap. Labels out. [whispers] Thank you.
[later, Mateo interrupts Janet packing a customer's bag on checkout:]
Mateo: Sorry, she's not usually this bad. [Glenn gasps] Heavy stuff goes in the bottom... because of gravity.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I guess I should've pushed back more when Corporate made me hire her, but I just thought Dina hated her like, "I hate Mondays." But no, she wants to follow Monday home, blockade the door, and burn the house down with Monday still inside.

Quote from Dina

Dina: Hey, Rodriguez. Good news. I was going over the harassment policy. Turns out there's nothing in there about nerds. We can do whatever we want to them.
Amy: Well, I'm not really dying to harass some nerds.
Dina: Oh, no, neither am I. I'm just saying we have options.

Quote from Dina

Dina: Oh, God, you've gotta be kidding me. Okay, don't look over now. I'm gonna need you to look over, but don't be obvious about it, okay? Don't look now. Look back at me. All right, okay. Ready? Look now. Wait, not now!
Amy: Dina, what are you talking about?
Dina: Okay, you know Colleen from the Bel-Ridge store? The one who sucks and is like if Satan and a turd had a baby? She just walked in.
Amy: Mm-hmm, yeah. Um... But your little rivalry thing is just kind of fun and friendly competition, right?
Dina: No, Amy. I hate her with the fire of a thousand suns. Frankly, I'd like her dead.

Quote from Mateo

Janet: Oh, you're back. Well, I'm wearing your vest and I'm keeping it 'cause it fits me better.
Mateo: No, I'm just visiting. I may not be able to work here, but they can't stop me from seeing my friends and using their employee discount.
Janet: So you have to wear that thing all the time?
Mateo: [groans] It's the worst. I have to charge it every eight hours, and of course they had to put it on my cute ankle.

Quote from Cheyenne

Cheyenne: My mom's ex-boyfriend Dustin had one of those, but he took it off.
Mateo: How? They're, like, indestructible.
Cheyenne: Well, he was 400 pounds when he got it, but then he got a parasite from a lake.

Quote from Sayid

Sandra: Maybe something like this for our centerpieces? But with basil in it 'cause Jerry loves Italian food.
Sayid: I wish you were having a gay wedding. I've never been to a gay wedding.

Quote from Justine

Justine: Oh, you should have a shrimp tower because I've heard at some weddings they don't have enough shrimp, and some... some people get upset.

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