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Season 5, Episode 13 -  Aired January 23, 2020

When Amy tries to make Mateo her assistant, some of the other employees accuse her of favoritism. Glenn and Dina clash over a new layout on the shop floor. Meanwhile, Jonah feels left out when Garrett hosts a party at his place.

Quote from Justine

Amy: Okay, let's start by hearing everybody's work experience. You first, Justine.
Justine: Oh, okay. Well, um, I have worked here for over three years, and before that I was a dog groomer. So I guess you could say I am good with hot-tempered bitches. [chuckles] I'm sorry. I'm very nervous.
Amy: No, thank you, Justine, for answering the question.


Quote from Amy

Mateo: Okay, so I swiped this digital picture frame from electronics because it'll look really cute on your desk.
Amy: Ooh. Yes, it would. Oh, it's gonna be so nice to have an assistant who actually helps. Myrtle used to just cut out pictures of horses from magazines and tape them to my computer.

Quote from Mateo

Amy: Okay, Mateo, uh, you?
Mateo: I, um, can type 100 words per minute.
Amy: Oh, wow.
Mateo: And I am currently on a three month trial of the full Microsoft Office Suite.

Quote from Amy

Cheyenne: Not gonna lie, it's getting hard to hype you up in there. Not 'cause I don't think you deserve it, just 'cause you're doing so bad.
Mateo: I didn't think Marcus would be good.
Amy: Well, neither did I. What, did he take the Limitless pill? [off their looks] You know, the movie Limitless where the guy takes the pill, and...
Mateo: This isn't the time, Amy.

Quote from Mateo

Mateo: [sings] ♪ There were nights where the wind was so cold ♪
Justine: You really need your assistant to sing to you?
Amy: It helps with stress. You should've known that. Ten points deducted.
Justine: No
Mateo: ♪ Right outside the window ♪

Quote from Dina

Glenn: Dina, we agreed it would be me.
Dina: No, we agreed it would be me because I knew she would never believe that I would let you be in charge.
Glenn: Let? I am in charge.
Dina: You?
Glenn: Yes.
Dina: You have diabetes. You aren't even in control of your own glucose.

Quote from Mateo

Mateo: So your new desk is gonna be here in three days.
Amy: Oh, thank you.
Mateo: Oh, and tomorrow I was thinking of doing Mariah Carey's "Fantasy". And then on Tuesday, maybe Patti LaBelle, or...
Amy: Oh, no Mateo, you don't actually have to sing to me.
Mateo: Oh. Uh, for sure. Yeah. I mean, that... that makes the most sense.

Quote from Jonah

Jonah: Oh, hey, look at that. Triscuit sale, two-for-one. Hey, you've got a thing coming up. Is that, uh... Do you need... Do you need snacks or is it, like, a non-snack gathering?
Garrett: Okay, buddy, you're being weird. My thing next Friday is just a few dudes that you don't even know. No work people have been invited. So just relax.
Jonah: Okay. Is... Is Randy invited?
Garrett: Yeah, sure. Randy's gonna be there.
Jonah: I know Randy. I used to say hi to him all the time back when we lived together. In fact, he even asked me to move my car once 'cause I was blocking him in.
Garrett: Yeah, I just don't like mixing my worlds. I don't bug you for hanging out with Amy and her kids all the time.
Jonah: I'm not always hanging out with Amy.
Garrett: Look, I'm not saying it like it's a bad thing. It's just you got your own stuff going on, I got my own stuff going on. To each their own stuff. It's great.
Jonah: But I... I have room for more stuff. I'm like a hatchback. You can always cram more in me. [to a customer] Don't... Don't make it dirty.

Quote from Justine

Amy: Okay, uh, Justine. I would say that you should be able to ask the vendor when the shipment will be delivered without making a joke about his package.
Justine: Okay. Got it. Yeah, I'm still trying to learn all your little quirks, so...

Quote from Marcus

Marcus: I got this. Okay. [on the phone] Jeanie! It's Marcus from the warehouse. Hey, I was calling to see if I could check when that shipment's gonna be coming in. Is there any chance we could push that up to Wednesday? Oh. Jeanie in a bottle. 'Cause you're making wishes come true. Buh-bye. [hang up]
Amy: Did you actually just get them to move the shipment up?
Marcus: The key is to talk directly to the truck drivers. Now, I have a great relationship with them since I work in the warehouse.
Mateo: Oh, do you work in a warehouse, Marcus? I didn't know because you only mentioned it, like, a million times.
Marcus: Okay, that doesn't even make sense. There's no way I could've said a million words. That would've taken years.
Mateo: [speaks Tagalog]
Marcus: [speaks Tagalog]
Mateo: [speaks Tagalog]

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