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Myrtle

‘Myrtle’

Season 5, Episode 12 -  Aired January 16, 2020

As the employees mourn the loss of Myrtle, Jonah is surprised to have been left money in her will. Meanwhile, Cheyenne starts selling bootleg cosmetics, and Dina is reunited with her absentee father, Howard (Dean Norris).

Quote from Jonah

Jonah: You know what, Glenn? You should take the money.
Amy: What?
Glenn: Really?
Jonah: Yeah, you were so close with Myrtle and and and you-you deserve it. She wrote my name on the envelope, but who knows who she could've meant, you know? Could've been you.
Glenn: Oh, my God. Thank you. You know, I think you giving me this money is another sign from Myrtle.
Jonah: Or maybe it's just a nice thing that I'm doing but enjoy. It's yours.

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Quote from Dina

Howard: It's been a while since I've been in a store like this. I just get everything from Jed. He's my neighbor and a hoarder.
Dina: Convenient.
Howard: Yeah. Look, for what it's worth, when I left you that day, I was a different man than I am now. I was young and stupid, and I had this dream of selling belt buckle knives. [removes knife] And I made that dream come true.
Dina: Wait, that was in there this whole time? Wow.
Howard: Fast as lightning, but sharper. But I can't forgive myself for leaving you for it. I watched this belt buckle go from prototype to market ready, but I didn't see you go from pre‐teen to tall lady, and, uh, well, that's not okay.
Dina: Well, I think it's water under the bridge.
Howard: Really?
Dina: Yeah. Okay, I think I should show you around 'cause this store is kind of like my own personal belt buckle knife, though not nearly as surprising or cool.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: Jonah, Amy, I just got off the phone with Pastor Craig, and we've decided what I'm gonna do with Myrtle's money.
Jonah: Oh, you and Pastor Craig decided?
Glenn: Yeah, he said that all the signs that Myrtle has been leaving me means that she hasn't ascended into heaven yet. But luckily for us, Pastor Craig can get her in.
Amy: Wow, that is lucky.
Glenn: Yeah, it turns out that the amount of money that Myrtle left is the exact same amount that she needs to get into heaven. I mean, tell me that's not a miracle.

Quote from Dina

Dina: [gasps] The staff bathroom's cool, right, Dad? I use it all the time. No big deal. Oh, Dad, this is my boss, Amy. Show her your belt buckle.
Amy: Oh, my God. This is... Oh, Jesus.
Howard: Fast as lightning, but sharper. [both laugh]
Dina: Amy, why don't you tell my dad about how I'm doing as assistant manager?
Amy: Um... Oh, yeah, she is great. She's hard‐working and dedicated. [off Dina's look] And, um, uh, very... very serious about security. She tackled a guy.
Howard: Really?
Dina: Uh‐huh.
Amy: Yeah, I think broke his nose or...
Dina: His jaw. Yeah, it's all part of the job. I mean, you can be super proud if you want, but that's your call. Thanks, Amy.

Quote from Mateo

Mateo: Okay, I want in. You're obviously making a lot of money, and you know I can make you even more. Plus, I'm dating the manager's brother, so I'm basically the first lady of the store.
Cheyenne: Wouldn't Jonah be the first lady of the store...
Mateo: Okay, it doesn't matter. The vision center sucks, and I need money. I'm running out of options, so please put me on the team.
Cheyenne: Okay, you're in. I'll get you some product to get you started.
Mateo: Yes! Chateo back in business.
Cheyenne: [giggles] What?
Mateo: Chateo. It's the business that we were gonna start.
Cheyenne: Oh, I don't remember a lot of things we talk about.

Quote from Marcus

Justine: We heard about you two... about how you don't want Myrtle to have a good afterlife.
Amy: What? No. We... We want her to have the best afterlife.
Glenn: Oh, I see. So you want Myrtle to get into heaven. You just don't want to pay for it.
Marcus: It's how rich guys stay rich. They just hold on to their money. No helping nice old ladies get to heaven.
Glenn: Mm‐hmm.
Marcus: No taking their best friend out for sushi on his birthday, even when I made the reservation.
Jonah: You can't assume someone's taking you out to dinner.
Marcus: Yeah, well, I learned that one the hard way.

Quote from Glenn

Myrtle: [on video display] Don't worry. I'm in heaven now. Don't worry. I'm in heaven now.
Glenn: Guys, what is this?
Garrett: It just started doing that a little while ago, and hasn't stopped.
Jonah: Did I hear her say, "I'm in heaven"?
Amy: Yeah. Wow, Glenn. You were totally right about this signs thing. I mean... [laughs] What a relief.
Glenn: Guys, I'm not the chicken that forgot his hat, okay? I know you faked this.
Amy: What are you talking about?
Glenn: I mean, come on. The editing is so choppy.
Garrett: Okay, my bad. In the future, I'll be better at faking miracles.

Quote from Dina

Dina: Hey, you're still here. That's a change of pace for you.
Howard: [chuckles] That's a fair joke. So I was thinking maybe we could have dinner tonight? Celebrate our reunion. You like meatball subs, right?
Dina: I'm a vegan now, but don't beat yourself up. It's impossible to know stuff you weren't around for.
Howard: So we have some catching up to do.
Dina: No, Dad. It's too late. You missed everything. When I was 13, I broke my arm so bad, they gave me my own booth at the county fair. I attended multiple father‐daughter dances alone, and when I was 16, everyone made fun of me 'cause my dad didn't buy me my first gun. Our neighbor Mr. Gianetti did.
Howard: Terry Gianetti was a stand up guy.
Dina: I had to navigate all of that without you. And that may be why I am so strong, but I am not gonna let you take credit for that, okay? So I think you should leave.
Howard: Oh, come on, Dina. I mean, I can't take back what I did. But I'm here now. What more do you want me to do?
Dina: Do what I did. Figure it out.

Quote from Cheyenne

Mateo: I was on fire. God, it felt so good to be out there hustling.
Cheyenne: Oh, and we sell a sunscreen with glitter in it. Corona cashes in at music festivals.
Mateo: Two words. Gay pride.
Cheyenne: Well, pride will be here before you know it, so let's stock you back up. [opens trunk]
Mateo: That's a lot of boxes.
Cheyenne: Yeah. I had to borrow my stepdad's van to fit the rest.
Mateo: The rest?
Cheyenne: Yeah, so half of this is yours now, and once we sell all this, I'll break even and start making bank.
Mateo: Wait, so all that cash is not profit? Cheyenne, it's gonna be ten years before we make money off this.
Cheyenne: What? Ten years? What am I supposed to do with money in my 30s?

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: You know, it's funny we're putting Myrtle's picture up there. Do you know that in 33 years of working here, Myrtle was never once employee of the month? But when heaven picks its angel of the month, I know whose picture they're gonna hang.
Cheyenne: Do you think they'll use that picture, or would it be her as, like, a baby?
Marcus: Or, like, her in a Halloween costume.
Amy: Anyway, she will be missed. To Myrtle.
All: To Myrtle. [all groaning]
Marcus: What is this?
Glenn: This is Myrtle's favorite drink. It's called the Rusty Spaniard.
Dina: I didn't realize we had gazpacho and Everclear.

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