Garrett: [over PA] Attention shoppers, we're sorry to announce we are out of paper towels, pasta, flour, and...

Cheyenne: This is actually kinda nice. It's been a long time since I've been able to get drunk at work. We've been so busy.
Sandra: And you guys are the only other people I see besides Jerry and Tony. But sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I think I see my bus driver lurking over our bed. It's probably nothing.

Amy: And Zephra is adamant that we follow the CDC recommendation of washing your hands for a full 20 seconds.
Cheyenne: 20 seconds? That's, like, literally forever.
Amy: It's about the length of two "Happy Birthdays." So just sing that, and you'll be fine.
Dina: Yeah, but whose name do we insert? I have a friend named Ty, and I have a friend named Alexandrina Geneviva. Those are two wildly different time frames.
Amy: Just say... the name Emma.
Mateo: Oh, God. Is this your way of making us sing "Happy Birthday" to Emma because all of her friends ditched her on her birthday this year?
Amy: No, that didn't happen. Emma is very popular, and she's dating a very cute boy named Braydon. Very cute. I don't mean cute like I think he's hot, because I'm an adult and that would be weird. Whatever... just wash your hands! There's a virus.

Sandra: Hey, any update on when you two lovebirds are moving to Cali?
Amy: Well, um... with all of this craziness, they've pushed my start date. So it's all a little up in the air. Just like this virus. [chuckles] Just kidding. It's not airborne. Well, we don't know that. It could be. Anyway.
Marcus: Oh, my God. Hey, everyone's overreacting. I mean, no friggin' way I'm missing out on spring break this year.
Jonah: Actually, the latest articles are saying that washing your hands isn't enough. We should be wearing face coverings, avoiding large groups.
Garrett: Like, say, plus employees and an endless stream of customers?
Glenn: [gasps] That sounds like here.
Amy: Yeah, um... I'll call Zephra. I'm sure they have more guidelines for us. But for now, they want everybody to know that, "We value our employees' dedication." "You are essential, and the true heroes during this chaotic time." [silence]
Glenn: Excuse me? The SVP of Company Communications, Sandy Sugarman, just called us heroes?
Dina: It's about damn time. [chuckles]
Glenn: Yeah!
Garrett: Are we still heroes if we definitely wouldn't be here if we didn't have to be?
Dina: I can keep this, right? You don't care if I keep this, do ya?

Man: What happened to the café?
Amy: Oh, um... The governor shut down all indoor dining.
Man: Damn. This is my favorite restaurant.
Jonah: Uh, are y... Are you serious?
Amy: Jonah, just let it go.
Jonah: No, no, no. Today's restaurant landscape? Have you tried Barrell and Sage? If you give me your email address, I can send you my list.

Amy: Looks like the sheep are starting to eat each other.
Jonah: Do sheep eat each other?
Amy: Isn't that what haggis is? I don't know, Dina said something.

Amy: I was going to say Zephra finally sent over the safety protocols. Yay. So, employees must wipe down the register and credit card machine after each customer as well as every rolling cart, door knob, bathroom door, electronic device, and product.
Jonah: Oh, okay. So everything the air touches. Got it. Easy.
Amy: We're also required to wear masks.
Justine: Will they be providing us with masks? Because I just have this one, and I've been tonguing it like crazy.
Amy: Well, don't. And, no, they're focused on donating masks and PPE to local hospitals.
Garrett: So no extra protection? I'm like a sitting duck in customer service. You have any idea how wet-lipped the community is here?
Jonah: That's a good point.
Dina: Very moist.
Amy: Guys, look. I know that this is hard. But if anybody needs anything, come to me and I will do everything I can to keep you safe. Also, Zephra wants to reiterate that Cloud 9 employees are the true heroes of the Zephra family.

Cheyenne: Oh, sorry. We're limiting toilet paper to one pack per household.
Woman: My kids have separate households.
Cheyenne: [scoffs] There's, like, no way that baby has its own household. This is so unfair!
Sandra: I know, there's never any left for us to buy at the end of the shift.
Cheyenne: Bo and I have had to start using newspaper. The ink's starting to turn our butts weird colors. Which is cool, but probably not healthy.
Sandra: What if we... set a pack aside somewhere, out of sight, then at the end of the day, we split it?
Cheyenne: Oh, man. We totally should. And it's not like we're stealing. We're still gonna pay for it.
Sandra: Of course.
Cheyenne: You know what? Maybe we should also put aside some Dinosaur mac and cheese. Bo's really into science right now.

Mateo: We should just send Justine home, right? I can't handle a full afternoon of her fake drunk voice. [as Justine] "You guys wanna see my boobs?" [giggle]

Jonah: "The only thing I like more than beer... is twins." Maybe it is time for humanity to wrap it up.