Amy: Okay, well, this is the best plan we've got. So everybody call everyone they've ever known. Friends, family, whoever, just get them here ASAP.
Justine: Actually, most of my friends live in Manhattan, so I don't think they'll make it on time.
Amy: Yeah, okay. That's fine.
Justine: They're in fashion. Mostly, they work in fashion.

Garrett: Wow, when everyone calls their friends, this place really fills up.
Glenn: Yeah, I called Jerusha, but she's busy. She's doing a fundraiser to buy Pastor Craig a second airplane.

Cheyenne: We didn't have any that said "Make America Great Again." The closest I could find was "Fart Police."
Mateo: Ugh, I'm just gonna wear this one. How do I look?
Cheyenne: Great. I'm gonna miss working with you.
Mateo: Chey, relax. I'm gonna get out.
Cheyenne: Yeah, but even if you do make it out, you can't come back now that they know.
Mateo: Oh. Uh... Yeah, of course. Obviously that would be the case.

Kelly: [to officer] And then at one pageant, we heard this girl gagging in the bathroom. And we're all like, "Guess we know how she stays so slim." Turns out, an actual strangler had broken into the building and was straight up trying to murder her. Well, she managed to fight him off with a hot curling iron and an eyebrow pencil. [laughs] She came in second.

Amy: Does anybody know what today is? [silence]
Cheyenne: [gasps] Your birthday?
All: Oh.
Garrett: Happy birthday, Amy.
All: Happy birthday to you-
Amy: No.
Sandra: Happy birthday, Amy!
Mateo: May you live for another 45.
Amy: I am not 45, and it's not my birthday.

Amy: It's Employee Appreciation Day!
Dina: Whoo! Everybody get psyched!
Cheyenne: What is Employee Appreciation Day?
Mateo: It's symbolic.
Glenn: I think it's a holiday in Canada.
Amy: Nope, it's our way of saying thank you for all the amazing work you do every day.
Dina: This store could not function without you guys. I mean, not you specifically, obviously, but labor of some sort.
Glenn: Aww.

Dina: Speaking of clothes, who wants a free T-shirt?
Sandra: Ooh.
[The employees yelp and duck as Dina pulls out a t-shirt gun. As she fires a t-shirt, it shatters the virtual display of Myrtle.]
Myrtle: You missed me.

Jonah: Have you tried the Cloud 9 Corporate sundae? What it is, is they give you a very, very tiny bit of ice cream with nothing on top and then you just have to take it.
Amy: No, actually, I tried the Union Surprise. It's every flavor you could ever want and every topping you could ever dream of, but then they shut down the store and fire you, and you get nothing.
Jonah: It's probably not a popular flavor.

Jonah: I can't believe you're siding with corporate.
Amy: Jonah, what do you want me to do?
Jonah: I want you to say [bleep] corporate and be on our side.
Amy: They will shut down the store. You know that.
Jonah: So we'll get other stores involved. They can't shut us all down.
Amy: Oh, okay, so now you're leading a nationwide movement?
Jonah: If not now, when?
Amy: Literally any other time. Just not right when I finally have a job that pays well and has a future.
Jonah: Okay, so this is about you saving your job?
Amy: Yeah, and everybody else's. I mean, you might have nothing to lose, but a lot of us can't just say "[bleep] corporate," and risk everything, because Jonah needs a cause to fight for.

Mateo: I dated a Teamster, and he gets, like, seven paid lunches a day.
Sandra: Seems pretty cool to me.
Marcus: If your skin was rotting, you would smell it, right?