Brett: Elaine, maybe we should get going.
Elaine: Oh. Jerry, you wanna join us?
Jerry: Oh, where you going? The coffee shop?
Brett: [scoffs] Coffee shop? I think we can do a little better than that. You look like you could use a solid meal at a real restaurant.
Jerry: You look like you could use a...
Elaine: Jerry.

Brett: I feel terrible about your friend Jerry. He's upset that I gave Kramer that chest of drawers, isn't he?
Elaine: Why? Why do you think he's upset?
Brett: How could he not be? Living in that cramped little apartment. And outdated furniture, so terribly un-Karl Farbman-like.
Elaine: We're not gonna talk about Karl Farbman all night, are we?
Brett: I hope not.
[Brett leans overs and kisses Elaine, but he breaks away as the radio plays The Eagles' Desperado]
Elaine: Brett? Is everything all right? [silence] Brett! What is it? Is there someone outside?
Brett: Elaine, the song.
Elaine: Oh. Oh, oh, phew. You know, for a minute there I thought it was like that urban legend about the guy with the hook who's hanging on the fender...
Brett: Elaine, could you just not talk for one minute?
Elaine: Sorry.

George: So, what do you think?
Male Executive: We're bit confused. Why was this man Jerry's butler?
George: Ah. You see, the man who was the butler, uh, had gotten into a car accident with Jerry, and because he didn't have any insurance, the judge decreed that the man become Jerry's butler.
Male Executive: Is this customary in your legal system?
Jerry: No. That's what makes it such a humorous situation.
Male Executive: [Japanese: "Are you following any of this?"]
Female Executive: [Japanese: "I'm still trying to figure out why they gave us a bag of oranges."
Male Executive: I'm sorry. I'm sure Mr Seinfeld is very funny to Americans, but I'm not sure this butler show would work in Japan.
George: Oh, I, uh, I disagree. You've, uh, you've been living in America too long. [indicates the bag of oranges] You've forgotten what it's like to have no oranges.
Male Executive: [Japanese: "Again with the oranges."]
Jerry: [drops his cup] Sorry. My hand is numb.
George: Yes. From endorsing checks for the Super Terrific Happy Hour.
Male Executive: You must go now.

Jerry: You know, what you need is a song you can share.
Elaine: Yes. You're right. We need to find our song.
Jerry: Okay. So, is there any song that you feel very strongly about?
Elaine: I like Witchy Woman.
Jerry: Witchy Woman?
Elaine: You know, Witchy Woman. [sings]
Jerry: Ah. Wit-chay Woman.

Kramer: Uh, listen, uh, can I borrow some pillows?
Jerry: What for?
Kramer: Yeah, well, uh, my Japanese friends're gonna stay with me.
Jerry: I thought they all had suites at the Plaza?
Kramer: Well, I'm sorry, Jerry, we all don't have checks rolling in like you do.
Jerry: Well, what about all that money from the kimonos I wear?
Kramer: Well, they ran out of it. Manhattan can be quite pricey. Even with 50,000 yen.
Elaine: 50,000 yen? Isn't that only a few hundred dollars?
Kramer: Evidently.

Elaine: What are you doing? That's Witchy Woman. That could be our song.
Brett: Witchy Woman is okay for you, but I've already got a song.
Elaine: Oh. Oh, then how about Desperado? We can share it.
Brett: No. It's mine. [thunder cracks]

Kramer: Here you go. Snap, crackle and pop. Good morning, Mr Oh. I gotta make up the drawer.
Mr. Oh: [o.s.] Ah, come back in half hour.

Teddy: Jerry Seinfeld!
Jerry: Teddy Padilac. Long time, no see. What have you got in a push-button mini.
Teddy: Same thing we had when you bailed on us, fifteen years ago.
Jerry: Bailed? Come on, you knew I wanted to be a comedian. Besides, we had some good time. Remember Tropical Storm Renee?
Teddy: Oh, yeah, sure. But where were you during the poncho craze of '84? I almost lost my house.
Clicky: [to a passing man] Umbrella, buddy? [the guy keeps walking] Now we got that damn 'urban sombrero' to contend with.
Teddy: Easy, Clicky. [to Jerry] I hear you're taking credit for the twirl.
Jerry: Ah, it was so many years ago. Who cares?
Teddy: I care. Clicky cares.
Jerry: So, could I... Could I just buy an umbrella?
Teddy: Yeah, sure. Two hundred dollars.
Jerry: What?!
Teddy: Special price, for a real foul-weather friend.

Kramer: Hey, George. How about that tour, huh? These guys are ready to run
the bases.
George: Kramer, it's, it's raining. They got the tarp on the field.
Kramer: Ah, listen, George, what else can I do with these guys? Now, bear in mind, they're a little light on the yen.
George: Well, I, I got the pilot of the Jerry show.
Kramer: (snaps his fingers) That's perfect. [to the Japanese men] Hey, how would you guys like to watch Super Terrific Happy star Jerry Seinfeld?
Mr. Oh: But, we are also very hungry.
Kramer: Oh, yeah, yeah. [puts tape in] Well, you guys just watch the tape and, uh, I'll get you some food. [shouts] Hey, peanuts!

Jerry: Oh, hi Brett.
Brett: Haven't you ever heard of an umbrella?
Jerry: Ah, I didn't have enough money.
Brett: I'm sure things'll pick up for you.
Jerry: No, it's not that, it's the... [looks at his hands] Oh no, look at the checks! Hours of hard work ruined!
Brett: Ah, don't worry, I can spot you the... twelve cents?
Jerry: No, it's not the money. It's my hand. It's crippled from writing and writing.
Brett: Nothing's working for you, is it?
Jerry: Not at the moment, Brett.
Brett: I'd give you a ride, but I got Karl Farbman here.
Jerry: Thanks for stopping!