Wilhelm: Uh, George, uh, did you call some carpet cleaners?
George: Are they here?
Wilhelm: They're in my office, right now.
George: They haven't said anything to you, have they?
Wilhelm: About what?
George: What kind of a snobby, stuck-up, cult is this?!

George: Excuse me. Did you hire the Sunshine Carpet Cleaners?
Male Executive: Yes. Cleaned up the coffee stain, left by Jerry Seinfield.
George: Mr Wilhelm? What- What are you doing here?
Wilhelm: I'm here to clean the carpets. Most of the world is carpeted. And, one day, we will do the cleaning.
George: [to the leader] Him you brainwashed?!! What's he got that I don't have?! Mr Wilhelm, listen. You've been abducted! Please, Mr. Wilhelm, you gotta listen to me!
Wilhelm: Wilhelm? My name is Tanya.
Male Executive: [Japanese: "With these two idiots I don't know how the Yankees won the World Series."]

Elaine: So, your firm designed all the furniture in here?
Brett: Well, we manufacture it. The original designs are by Karl Farbman.
Elaine: Oh, Farbman.
Brett: You know Farbman?
Elaine: Mm, love Farbman.
Brett: Most people go their whole lives without sitting in a Farbman.
Elaine: Well, if you call that living. (laughs) Ahaha.
[Brett is distracted as The Eagles' "Desperado" begins to play on the radio]
Elaine: Wouldn't it be great if Farbman designed shoes? Brett? Don't you think that would be great?
Elaine: Brett?
Brett: After the song, babe.
Elaine: Huh?
Brett: This song.

Jerry: So when do I meet this jerk?
Elaine: He's not a jerk, Jer. He only works with Karl Farbman.
Jerry: Who?
Elaine: I don't know. Some designer. Anyway, Brett is so generous, and sensitive. Last night he was moved just listening to a song.
Jerry: What song?
Elaine: Desperado.
Jerry: Desperado?
Elaine: Uh-huh.
Jerry: And you're still dating him? I tell you who sounds a little desperado.

Jerry: See that salesman twirling that umbrella.
Elaine: Uh-huh.
Jerry: I invented that.
Elaine: That had to be invented?
Jerry: When I started out as a comedian, I sold umbrellas. It was my idea to twirl it, to attract customers.
Elaine: Oh, really? Well, why don't we ask him about it?

Elaine: Excuse me. Hey, how you doing. Um, my, uh, friend here says that he invented that little twirl you're doing.
Jerry: Elaine, please, it was a long time ago. The man doesn't want a history lesson.
Clicky: Teddy Padilac came up with this twirl.
Jerry: I know Teddy Padilac. I worked with him on 48th and 6th.
Clicky: Yeah, that's where he come up with it.
Jerry: In his dreams.
Elaine: All right, can we go?
Jerry: [to Clicky] By the way, you're doing it too fast. You'll disorient the customers.

Kramer: Hey. Well, this was downstairs for you. Ka-ching.
Jerry: Oh no, not more checks. They're coming faster than I can sign them.
George: What checks?
Kramer: Oh, you didn't hear? Jerry's a big star in Japan.
Jerry: I don't know why. There's a one-second clip of me in the opening credits of some Japanese comedy show.
Kramer: Yeah, The Super Terrific Happy Hour.
Jerry: They run it all the time, and now I'm starting to get all these royalty checks.
George: Look at all of those! You're rich!
Jerry: Nah, each one is worth, like, twelve cents. It's barely worth the pain in my hand to sign them.

Crew Leader: We're pretty much finished. There's just one more thing.
George: Here it comes.
Crew Leader: You forgot to sign your check.
George: [signs] Sorry. You're sure, uh, there isn't anything else?
Crew Leader: No.
George: So, that's it?
Crew Leader: Unless you need a receipt.
George: I wish that was all needed. Life can be so confusing. I... I'm searching for answers, anywhere.
Crew Leader: Good luck with that. [exits]

Jerry: Hey.
Elaine: What's with the claw?
Jerry: Super-terrific carpal tunnel syndrome.

Elaine: Have you seen the chest of drawers that Brett gave to Kramer?
Jerry: The Fleckman.
Brett: Farbman.
Jerry: Right.
Elaine: You gotta see them. Beautiful.
Jerry: Oh, I'm sure they are.
Brett: I'd be happy to get you some if that's what you're driving at.
Jerry: No. I'm fine, thank you.
Brett: Don't worry. It's no charge to you. Looks like what you really need is a decent desk for writing your skits.
Jerry: I don't write skits.
Brett: Well, of course you don't. You don't have a proper workstation. I'll fax you over my catalog.
Elaine: Mmm. Brett, uh, Jerry doesn't have a fax machine.
Brett: Oops. Well, I'm sure things'll pick up for you soon.