Dr. Cox: Okay, a patient has hypotension, hyperpigmentation of skin and hyponatremia. What diagnostic test should we run?
J.D.: Ooh! I know! I know!
Dr. Cox: Anyone but the board-certified doctor?
J.D.: Good call. I'll observe.
Drew: We do an A.C.T.H. stimulation test to diagnose-
J.D.: Addison's disease! It's Addison's disease!
Drew: I was gonna say that.
J.D.: Well, we'll never know, will we, Drew?
Dr. Cox: Walking tall, Dorian. Walking tall.
J.D.: [v.o.] Feeling tall, Perry.

Denise: Okay, I'll admit it. Kids are good for something.
[The patient's son has his arm ip the vending machine tray]
Ryan: I can get you the mints, but if you want these chips, I might dislocate my shoulder.
Denise: Chips.
Ryan: Fine. Ah, got 'em.
Denise: Nicely done.
Ryan: With my mom in the hospital all the time, I just figured out how to do this.
Denise: Yeah, I never knew my mom.
Ryan: You gonna cry about it?
Denise: No. [holds out chips] Here you go. [takes them back] Oh! You gonna cry about it?

Dr. Cox: Excluding Number One here, today's assignment is for everyone to drop out of medical school. Your parents' money would be better stuffed into garbage bags, packed into a rocket and shot into the sun.

Dr. Cox: Oh, my. This gentleman appears to be coding. What a delight. Who would like to dive in?
Cole: I'm on this.
Dr. Cox: Where the hell did you get a scalpel?
Cole: Uh, present from my unc. Handle's made from elephant tusk. It's mad illegal, yo.

Drew: Excuse me, Dr. Cox. I don't mean to interrupt, but, uh, I have to apologize. I've made a lot of bad choices in life. Quick example, I accidentally, uh, set a shrimp boat on fire once. It was a long story. Another time. But, um, today was one of those bad choices. And if I had the power to go back in time-
J.D.: You know, Drew, we all wish we had superpowers, okay?
Dr. Cox: Do you know what the perfect superhero power would be?
Turk & J.D.: Candy hands!
Dr. Cox: For me, it would be the ability to get back all the time I wasted on people who eventually let me down.
Drew: Awesome.

Turk: Dude, think about it. Candy hands. Everything you touch turns to candy. Whoop! Candy lamp.
J.D.: Candy Perry!
Dr. Cox: [whistles] No candy Perry.

Turk: Why is the college mascot an Owl Cat? I don't even know what an Owl Cat is.
J.D.: I like to think it's what happens when an owl and a cat fall in love.

Lucy: Oh. Dr. Mahoney.
Denise: Hey, I need to talk. [enters Lucy's room] Oh, my God. Were you raised by horses?
Lucy: No.
Lucy: [v.o.] I wish.
Lucy: I was just studying.
Cole: What's up, shorty?
Lucy: And fornicating. Cole, get back under the horse blanket, please.
Cole: I was thinking that maybe the three of us-
Lucy: Cole, horse blanket.

Lucy: I still think you should do it, but I'll talk to Ryan.
Denise: Good.
Lucy: And another thing. I do love horses. They are God's most majestic creatures. If they could talk, they would be so very wise.

Drew: I've been in a pretty deep hole the past couple years. A lot of self-destructive stuff. Honestly, the only thing I've burnt more than shrimp boats is bridges. I need to change that.