J.D.: Isn't it great being so comfortable with someone, you don't have to talk? Anyway, the point is, silence is awesome.
Danni: I'm sorry, I'm just a little preoccupied. I accidentally walked in on my sister and Perry this morning. Can you imagine?
[fantasy:]
Dr. Cox: Relax, Newbie, the gimp is chained up.
Jordan: Be careful, though, Randall got loose.
J.D.: Who?
[a short man in a karate robe punches J.D. in the nuts]
J.D.: [pained] Why?
[reality:]
J.D.: Powerful tiny fists.

Danni: I gotta get out of there. You think maybe I could crash at your house?
J.D.: Sure. Just bring your own toilet paper. It's kind of a little rule we have with our guests. Preferably something two-ply!

Dr. Kelso: Ladies, explain to me why You are so concerned with my policy on patients having sex in the hospital.
Carla: No reason!
Elliot: Just curious!
Carla: Trying to learn.
Elliot: I love you, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Well, why don't we make it the same as my sex policy with my wife: Absolutely not. Now make me a sandwich.

J.D.: You know, but she's not moving in permanently. She's just crashing for a while.
Nurse Roberts: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Cox: About a year ago, Jordan said she wanted to "crash for a while." Now my office is a nursery, my closet is my office, my clothes are in the entertainment center, and my TV is in the john, which I guess is kind of nice. I don't even know anymore.

Ted: Same thing happened to me. After my divorce, I told Mariana I was going to crash at her place for a few weeks, and we've been sharing a bed for eight years.
J.D.: Isn't Mariana your mother?
Ted: Hey, who are we talking about here, you or me?

Dr. Cox: Lookit, here's the rule, there, porn-star: The moment her toothbrush hits your sink, you've got yourself a permanent roomie.
[fantasy: Danni is sipping a cocktail in the apartment, surrounded by rolls of toilet paper:]
J.D.: How long will you be staying?
Danni: For a while. Mmmmm, downy soft.
[reality:]
J.D.: There'll be toilet paper everywhere! Gotta go.

Turk: That's Stephanie, our new transplant patient.
Dr. Cox: Oh. And you picked her, so I'm quite sure she is so very nice.
Stephanie: No, actually she's alienated every member of my surgical team.
Dr. Cox: Sweetheart, you're not even on the surgical team.
Turk: [loudly] I am a very important part of the team that- [normally] I am a very important part of the team, thank you very much.
Dr. Cox: I see, so what, that's that's it? You say she gets the liver and that's the way it goes?
Turk: No, she gets the liver because she followed the rules. Dr. Cox, I know it's really hard on you medical guys, because you spend most of your time with your patients and you get emotionally attached. But as a surgeon, the person I'm closest to is the guy who's giving us the liver. Because it's a gift. And I think it's important that it goes to the person that's proven they're up to the responsibility.
Dr. Cox: Holy cow, I get it. I gotta collect myself for a moment, here. That's very touching.
Turk: You know I'm right.

J.D.: [v.o.] At Sacred Heart, there are certain things you can always count on. Dr. Kelso will systematically break Ted's spirit.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, Ted. I meant to tell you eight months ago, all those days of vacation you saved up expire right... now!
Ted: But, sir, I was going to visit The Alamo with the guys from my public sp- speaking class!

J.D.: [v.o.] Turk will start a fight with Carla that he'll inevitably lose.
Turk: I don't understand it. This wedding is supposed to be about us, how come I can't be comfortable?
Carla: And I don't know how many times I have to tell you that you are not wearing sweats!
Turk: All right, fine! I don't have to wear sweats, I'll wear the slacks! But you know what? I'm also wearing the cape, and we gonna have a wind machine, and I'ma be standing on the altar like: "I do...!"
Carla: I'm marrying this! This is gonna be my husband!
Turk: Holla!

J.D.: [v.o.] Sean and Elliot will do whatever they can to keep their long-distance relationship going.
Elliot: I love the new camera phone you got us. Really? [snaps an undershirt picture] Did you get it? No?
[Outside, a man is so distracted by his phone, he walks into a telephone pole]