Turk Quote #195
Turk: That's Stephanie, our new transplant patient.
Dr. Cox: Oh. And you picked her, so I'm quite sure she is so very nice.
Stephanie: No, actually she's alienated every member of my surgical team.
Dr. Cox: Sweetheart, you're not even on the surgical team.
Turk: [loudly] I am a very important part of the team that- [normally] I am a very important part of the team, thank you very much.
Dr. Cox: I see, so what, that's that's it? You say she gets the liver and that's the way it goes?
Turk: No, she gets the liver because she followed the rules. Dr. Cox, I know it's really hard on you medical guys, because you spend most of your time with your patients and you get emotionally attached. But as a surgeon, the person I'm closest to is the guy who's giving us the liver. Because it's a gift. And I think it's important that it goes to the person that's proven they're up to the responsibility.
Dr. Cox: Holy cow, I get it. I gotta collect myself for a moment, here. That's very touching.
Turk: You know I'm right.
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Dr. Kelso: See, this is why you shouldn't get emotionally invested in your patients.
Dr. Cox: Hey, Bobbo, now when the dark prince does finally call you home, please promise me that you'll donate your body to science. And I don't mean medical science, I mean NASA. Because when those buzz-cuts have all but given up on trying to figure out just exactly what a black hole is, and they get one look at that space where your heart was supposed to be, well, by gum, you know they're just gonna say: "Awwww, shucks! "That's what it is!"
Dr. Kelso: Hey, champ! What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso. How ya doin'?
Quote from Elliot
Maggie: I guess I was just waiting for someone special, and now I feel like I've missed out on one of the fundamental experiences of life for no good reason, you know?
Carla: Is there anything we can do?
Maggie: Don't people sometimes pay for sex?
Elliot: Oh, boy, do they. I slept with Jenny Johnson's older brother in high school, and then he decided to tell all of his friends what my orgasm face looked like. Then three of them posed like that for their yearbook photos! Paid for that one for years.
Carla: Elliot, I think she means pay money for sex.
Elliot: Oh, I got a story about that, too. Not about me, though. My mom, she gets lonely.
Quote from My Advice to You
J.D.: [v.o.] It's always nice when someone from Carla's family comes to town. Mostly because she cleans our apartment.
Carla: Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?
Turk: You mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? Wuh-huh!
Quote from My Life in Four Cameras
Carla: Hey, we're missing Sanford and Son.
J.D.: [v.o.] Turk was freaked out because Carla never joins us on Sanford and Son night or Cheers night. I think it was because she was feeling a little romantically competitive with Kylie and me.
[After Kylie hugs J.D., Carla starts licking Turk's head]
Turk: Woman! Woman, I am not a lollipop! [sings to Sanford and Son theme] Quiet down now, It is time to watch the show, Yes, it started, Don't be lickin' me no mo', Matter of fact, Could you get me a handiwipe?
Quote from My Fault
Turk: What's up with the white people on top?
Carla: Turk, they don't have tiny plastic interracial couples.
Baker: I'll just color it in with some chocolate frosting.
Turk: Oh, that's a great idea. Put 'em in blackface.
Turk: What? While you're at it, why don't you put a string in the back of him, so when you pull it he sings "Mammy"!
Baker: Forget it.
Turk: Where are you going? To the back of the bakery where you keep all the other colored cakes? I'mma call Jesse! And we gonna march on your ass! [licks frosting] Mm.