Kim: So, do you wanna know the sex of the baby? Because I've already found out.
J.D.: Hit me.
Kim: It's a boy.
J.D.: A boy! What's his name?
Kim: He didn't say. We have to pick one.
J.D.: Can we name him Sam, after my dad?
Kim: After what I did to you, you can name this kid whatever the hell you want.
J.D.: We can name him Sam Perry Gilligan Dorian? Perry just 'cause I kinda like the ring of it.
Kim: Sure.
J.D.: And Gilligan 'cause I've lost that bet to Turk.
Kim: Those are all better than anything nerdy like Aragorn or Chewbecca.
J.D.: Turk has dibs on Chewy.

Carla: What could possibly be wrong?
Elliot: Well, I just noticed that you've put Ronni Eppolito on the list. See, I just like being the only girl on the list with a boy's name. And I find it odd that a month after I start working here she changes her name from Veronica to Ronni. Heh, sure Ronni claims that it's 'cause she doesn't want the same name as her mom. Seeing as her mom snapped and set fire to that pre-school. But I still think it's a teensy bit coinkidinky!
Carla: No problem, Ronni is out.
Elliot: Wait, I'm not sure yet. I mean, Ronni has also got, like, the best crazy mom stories. We are talking multiple felonies, including the attempted assassination of a federal judge.
Carla: Oh, fun!
Elliot: Right? Plus, I'm not so sure we don't wanna have a sit-down dinner,. ou know, maybe do something a little less girly, like bowling, or paintball, or fight club. Okay, let's make a list.
Carla: Sounds great.

J.D.: Wow. That's amazing.
Kim: Just don't get freaked out by how big his head is in comparison to the rest of his body.
[fantasy: a woman opens her door to trick-or-treaters on Halloween:]
Kids: Trick or treat!
Woman: What great costumes! I wouldn't recognize any of you. Well, except for you. You're Dorian's kid.
Boy: [as a mummy] Damn it!
[reality:]
J.D.: I bet you could fit a lot of candy corn in those cheeks.

Janitor: Well, well, well. I told you they'd turn on you.
J.D.: That's just two people.
Janitor: Boys?
Ted: She's pregnant, man!
Todd: That's uncool.
Lloyd: How could you do such a thing? What'd he do?

J.D.: Hey, Turk! You might want to buckle up, because the Coxian Express... Coxian is not the adjective version of your name, it's a clever combination of Cox and Dorian.
Dr. Cox: Oh.
J.D.: Anyway, the aforementioned express, is about to drop some knowledge on your brown ass. You can't change who you are as a doctor just because you're a dad. Tell him, Per.
Dr. Cox: Of course being a father changes who you are as a doctor. For God's sake, it changes everything about you.
J.D.: Why did you come here if you're just going to contradict me?
Dr. Cox: I don't know. Intentionally annoying you seems pretty Coxian. That is the adjective version. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to step over there so that we can present a united front against you.

Dr. Cox: Newbie, the point is, when that kid comes, you... You'll start seeing the world a whole lot differently.
Turk: You develop patience.
Dr. Cox: You learn to forgive easier.
Turk: If you got baby poop on your thumb, it's no big deal, you can just rub it off on your jeans like that.
Dr. Cox: I've seen the Wiggles live in concert! Twice.
Turk: Did they perform Big Red Car?
Dr. Cox: They opened and closed the show with it. It was awesome.

Elliot: [to Kim] Hey, do you think that I should marry Keith?
J.D.: [v.o.] Fortunately, Carla had special maid-of-honor radar that let her know when Elliot was obsessing.
[Carla whisks Elliot away from the reception and into the cafeteria]
Carla: Elliot, I already told you you're just going through some pre-wedding panic, here. This is how it'll feel when you'll walk out of that church married. Clap, dammit!
Elliot: Thank you! Thank you all!

Kim: Look, I know you're angry. But you promised we'd talk, and then you just left me stranded there at that bar.
J.D.: You know what? You're right. I'm sorry. Let me just file these, and we'll talk.
Kim: Great.
[J.D. disappears]
Kim: Hello?

Kim: How could you do this to me again?
J.D.: Cut me some slack! I just found out I'm still having a baby.
Kim: I get it.
J.D.: Look, I just ordered a cup of coffee. I know you can't have caffeine, but do you want me to get you some tea and we can sit and talk?
Kim: That would be great.
[J.D. disappears again]

J.D.: Yeah, you can even stay here.
Kim: But this is only a one bedroom.
J.D.: This couch isn't that uncomfortable.
Kim: Thanks. Actually, I'm gonna go lie down right now, huh.
J.D.: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You get the couch, I get the bed. Was that not clear?
J.D.'s conscience: Dorian, she's pregnant! Give her the bed!
J.D.: Fine, you can have the bed.