J.D.'s conscience: Dorian, don't watch a nudie movie, with the mother of your child in the next room!
J.D.: Really?
J.D.'s conscience: No, I'm cool with it. Whoo, have I got a carrot for her!

J.D.: [v.o.] Since Kim didn't have an O.B. here in town, we made her an appointment at the hospital. Unfortunately, that meant she had to face all the people who were mad at her for what she'd done. There was my best friend, who was furious, and my mentor, who was equally upset but didn't wanna show it.
Dr. Cox: Hi, Kim.
Kim: Hey, Perry.
J.D.: And other acquaintances, who were much more loyal than I thought.
Ted: Hussy!
Keith: Liar!
Lloyd: Jerk! Who is that?

Janitor: Hey, by the way, all this sympathy that's coming your way, that's gonna turn, and when it does, I'm gonna be here, and I'm going to enjoy- [J.D. starts to walk away] Hey, not finished! ... It.

Turk: Oh, my God!
J.D.: Is it still funny to yell "get a room"? I don't care, I'm going for it. Get a room!

Kim: Hey, guys.
Elliot: Hey, Kim.
Carla: How could you be so nice to her?
Elliot: That was not nice. That was neutral!
Carla: Neutral! "Hey, Kim!". That's neutral?!
Elliot: She's with child.
Carla: Oh, so, she's with child.
Elliot: Fine! I'll do it over. [sharply] Kim.
Kim: Great.

Carla: And what about your honeymoon?
[flashback:]
Elliot: I just want a hotel that's on the beach. Oh, and it's got to have a bathroom with a bidet. 'cause I cannot wear my going-out thong if I've got sand in my patootie.
J.D.: That's why Travelocity's so great. You can compare 4 hotels at once, plus, there's tons of user reviews to help you. See, wouldn't I make a great spokesperson?

Elliot: I'm going to Hawaii. I'm booked.
Keith: Hey, babe. Still thinking about going skiing for our honeymoon?
Elliot: Oh, sure sweetie. That's a total possibility.
[present:]
Elliot: Okay, so I know what I like.

Kim: I hate ultrasounds. That gel feels like a whale hocked a loogie on my belly. Plus, I'm always afraid in the first few seconds they're not gonna feel a little heartbeat.
J.D.: Relax, Kim. Dorians are known for their strong will to live.

Turk: Okay, Mr. Fulton, it's almost time to prep you for surgery. Hello! Cute granddaughter.
Mr. Fulton: Actually, she's my daughter.
Turk: Congratulations. I've got a daughter too. Six months. Already playing basketball.

Carla: So, check out the party plans. A limo takes all the girls to the spa for a Margi-Marti-Pedi-Party. That's Margaritas, Martinis and Pedicures.
Elliot: Oh, what about a Margi-Marti-Mani-Pedi-Party?
Carla: You can't get manis! You need your hands free for the Margaritas and the Martinis.