Carla: Elliot, relax. This is your night. You get to make all the decisions. Now, all your friends are standing by. I have made reservations at four different restaurants. I booked a paintball field, four lanes at the bowling alley, and I made reservations at various gay dance clubs. You get to pick what we do, what we talk about, and at the end, Keith will show up to carry you out the door, reminding the rest of us that you are the one that's getting married.
Elliot: And what if I don't like the outfit that some of the girls are wearing?
Carla: Everyone's been told that they have to bring a bag of outfits.
Elliot: Is Ronni Eppolito coming?
Carla: Ronni is waiting at the next corner, and she has no idea why. If you want, we can pick her up. If not, we can fly right by.
Elliot: Carla, you're the most amazing friend ever!
Carla: Duck!
Elliot: I love you.
Carla: I love you, too.

Carla: Turk, should I get a male stripper for Elliot's bachelorette party?
Dr. Kelso: Are you, uh, looking for a Caucasian boy or more exotic fare? What? Once spring rolls around, Enid gets a little randy, so I throw a twenty to Churro, our neighbor's Guatemalan house boy, to get in our basement and let Enid chase him around in a wheelchair until the juice runs out. Churro hates America.
Turk: Yeah, I wonder why.

Turk: Screw Hawaii. You know where you should go?
Carla: Turk, for the last time. There's no place called Kokomo.
Turk: Where'd the Beach Boys shoot the video, huh?