Kim: I just hope he doesn't get my dad's dainty hands and my mom's patchy facial hair, and, no, I didn't flip those.
J.D.: I just want what every father wants for his son. Health, happiness and a life long obsession with American Musical Theater.

Kim: I have to admit something.
J.D.: Uh-oh.
Kim: Last night, when I went into your room, I couldn't fall asleep. I just laid on the bed staring at the door, hoping you might come in.
J.D.: Kim.
Kim: I know, you don't trust me, and I don't even know if you like me. I don't really like myself right now. But do you think there's a one in a million chance that a year from now, or five years from now you could get to a place where you forgive me, and then maybe, you know, we could give it another shot?

Elliot: Okay, I just got us into a great gay bar for some grope-free dancing, then I just have to call a few restaurants.
J.D.: [v.o.] "No" can piss off a friend.
Carla: Do you want some help, Elliot?
Elliot: No, Carla, I've got it.

J.D.: [v.o.] Luckily with Kim it was easy just to say "yes" and make her feel better.
J.D.: No, Kim, I'm sorry. There's not any chance.
J.D.: [v.o.] Unfortunately, I couldn't do it.
J.D.'s conscience: Oh, what'd I miss?

Turk: Hey, J.D., check it out. Ugly Betty holding Izzie.
J.D.: I don't care about your stupid photoshopping, Turk!
Turk: Dude, what the hell?! That was real! We saw her at Costco.
J.D.'s conscience: You apologize to your friend right now.
J.D.: I'm sorry about your picture.
Turk: Gym teacher bunny conscience?
J.D.: Yeah.

J.D.: What the hell, man? Why didn't you operate on Mr. Fulton?
Turk: Dude, I know the pain sucks, but it's not gonna kill him. And vascular surgery is way too risky for a guy that age.
J.D.: Wasn't too risky yesterday.
Turk: Yeah, well, that was before I found out he had a kid.

Elliot: Kim, are you okay?
Kim: What am I doing here? Everybody hates me! I can't get the zipper up on your big fat cousin's dress. No wonder J.D. said what he said!
Carla: What did he say?
[later:]
Carla: How could you do that to the mother of your child?
Elliot: Yeah, all Kim asked was if there was a one in a million chance for the two of you, and you couldn't just give her a little hope?
J.D.: Now you're on her side?!
Carla: She's pregnant! You're supposed to tell her what she wants to hear.
Elliot: Yeah, like remember when Carla was pregnant? And we all told her how beautiful she was even though she looked like George Lopez? It's the same thing. Right?

Elliot: Look, I know that I'm a control freak, but it's just my nature. For example, you've got one maverick hair sticking out of that right eyebrow that is driving me crazy and I want nothing more than to pin you down and to pluck the hell out of it. But of course I won't. Unless you want me to. Never mind. What I really wanted to say is that... You're my best friend and I'm sorry.
Carla: Good. 'cause the party's still on. But on one condition, you gotta go the next 20 minutes without asking any questions about what we're doing.
Elliot: I can do that.
[later:]
Carla: Wow, this is so cool!
Elliot: And, time! That's 20 minutes. What are we doing? Where's everyone? This feels all wrong.

Keith: Did she try to control everything?
Carla: She wasn't so bad.
Elliot: Other shoulder, Keith! It's more comfortable.

J.D.: [v.o.] But mostly I thought about how much it sucked that my parents were divorced when I was a kid.
[fantasy: J.D.'s son is on his lap as he sits on the couch. Kim sits down next to him:]
J.D.: Right here. I'm just checking.
J.D.: [v.o.] And how much easier life would be for my son if Kim and I were together.
J.D.: Sam just told me he's very ticklish right here.
Kim: Right there?!
[reality:]
J.D.: [v.o.] It wasn't just about me anymore. I had to give us a shot.
Kim: Hey.
J.D.: Hey.
J.D.: [v.o.] Even if it was only one in a million.