Elliot: Hey, nice new watch, J.D.
J.D.: Thank you.
J.D.: [v.o.] It wasn't a watch. Now that Elliot got serious with Keith, I needed to get tighter with Turk. And since he's so busy being married and trying to make a baby, I had only one option.
J.D.: [over watch] Come in, Brown Bear.
J.D.: [v.o.] I got us watchie-talkies.
Turk: Hey, White Shadow.
J.D.: That's not my handle.
Turk: Hey, Gizmo.

J.D.: [over watch] Right on. Hey, what are you doin', man? I'm about to take out the Slip 'n Slide. Let's do it.
Turk: Dude, I can't. It's baby-making time. How's it going with Keith?
J.D.: Awesome. Check this. [sizzling]
Turk: Bacon back! Classic!
Carla: Hey, stud. You ready to fertilize an egg?
Turk: [whispering] Gotta go. Maintain radio silence on all channels.

Dr. Cox: Now, down the line we go!
Nurse: You are!
Patient: You are!
Nurse: You are!
Nurse: You are!
Lonnie: Yar! God! Why?
Janitor: You combined "you" and "are." You said "Yar." It made no sense.
Dr. Cox: It's true, Lonnie. Everybody heard it. Poke him again. [Lonnie yelps]

Dr. Cox: Bob Kelso. Will you be joining us?
Dr. Kelso: Hm? There was a line. I assumed it had something to do with cupcakes.
Dr. Cox: Bob, obviously you read the article.
Dr. Kelso: Perry, the last publication I read was the issue of Out my son left by the crapper when he was home this weekend asking for money. You'll never get my validation, hotshot.
Dr. Cox: And just exactly where was the poke?
Janitor: I froze. Gimme 20 bucks. I'll crack him over the head.
Dr. Cox: Only kill him if you have to.

Keith: I just don't usually burn this bad.
Elliot: Don't worry. Later, I'm gonna find some aloe and rub it on wherever it hurts.
Keith: Well, it's just on my back, really.
Elliot: Keith, that was innuendo. You were gonna work on this.
Keith: Oh. Right, right, right. OK. Um, it also hurts under my pants. In my pants. Damn it! I can't get this!

Dr. Cox: Hello.
Mrs. Cooke: It's about time. Are you my doctor?
Dr. Cox: Yes, I am. I'm gonna go ahead and give you a second so you can think about just how lucky that makes you.
Mrs. Cooke: Don't try to be funny. Now, here's a list of things I'm going to need you to take care of.
Dr. Cox: That is so helpful. I'll take a look at this. [scrunches it up and throws it away]

Elliot: Hey. When are you coming over tonight?
Keith: I can't. I'm on-call. I'm really worried about a patient with metastatic adenocarcinoma.
Elliot: Aw! See? This is why I hate cancer.

Elliot: Well, if you can't ask him to get tested, what will you do?
Carla: That's easy. I'm gonna sperm-jack him.
Jordan: Sure, sure.

Elliot: All right. I've made a little tweak to the schedule. Lisa, you're on tonight and Keith is off because he's got some hospital-related business. [Lisa scoffs] Don't give me that. You'd be off if you had a good reason.
Lisa: Life if you and I were sleeping together?
Elliot: First, the only woman in this hospital that I would even consider sleeping with is Jamie in Pediatrics. [all sigh] I know. And secondly, I'm the attending, so tough tuchus.

Dr. Cox: I'm not afraid to tell you, Jordan. It's gonna be a hell of a night. I got us a penthouse.
Jordan: Great. How much did that run?
Dr. Cox: Oh, about five bucks. I figured while I'm in the shower you can read it and get yourself revved up.
Jordan: Awesome.
[The Janitor blocks the exit with his broom]
Dr. Cox: Oh, now what the hell, Mongo?
Janitor: Sorry, I'm his man now.
Dr. Kelso: Hello, Perry.
Janitor: Don't get me wrong. I hit him hard. Twice. It just made him mad. Guy's got a skull like a mountain goat.