J.D.: [v.o.] And the janitor was killing time the way he always does. [flatlines]
Dr. Kelso: Crash cart to bed 3, stat!
[As Dr. Kelso approaches the patient, he sits up in bed and laughs]
Janitor: Ha, ha, ha. We gotcha! He's not really dying. I made a device that makes the sound of a flatline. It also makes that Beep-Beep sound of a truck backing up, I use that on people who are sensitive about their weight!
Dr. Kelso: I'm sure it's a blast. [walks away] Okay, i put on a few, but my son's new fiancee, Kenny, owns a Cinnabon franchise, what the hell am I supposed to do?

Elliot: This guy from the E.R., he tried to kill himself by jumping off a building.
Dr. Kelso: Let's go people. Lend a hand.
[As Dr. Kelso pulls the trolley, the Janitor plays the reversing sound]
Dr. Kelso: I'm hiring a trainer, dammit!

J.D.: [v.o.] When a patient regains consciousness from a head trauma, the first order of business is simple.
J.D.: You know what your name is?
Man: I don't remember.
J.D.: Okay, well usually in this type of situation we'd refer to you as John Doe, but I think that's so unpersonal. I'm gonna call you Roger Templeton. I'm just kidding. We found your wallet. Your name is really Roger Templeton. A little memory-loss humor. Okay, no?

Carla: So you're saying you'd be just fine waking up one morning having forgotten parts of your life?
Turk: No, just the bad stuff. Like The Matrix sequels, and that time we went skiing and I got my lip mole stuck in the zipper of my puffy coat?

Carla: Well, I know one person who's not down with erasing dreams, right J.D.?
J.D.: [v.o.] I was already gone.

Turk: So what'd you do?
J.D.: I did what any good doctor would do. I turned up his morphine drip so he'd go back to sleep.

Janitor: [flatline] Oh, you guys, thank God you are here. This lady is in very serious condition. [nobody reacts] You've all heard about my flatline device? Yep?! Okay, well, forgive me for trying to live things up around here by faking an old stranger's death. Plan B, let's dance!

Dr. Cox: Hey, you. Yes or no?
Intern: What?
Dr. Cox: It's a new game: "yes or no".
Intern: No.
Dr. Cox: Wrong! Now you have to stay here forever. Go!

J.D.: [v.o.] I couldn't help being reminded of all the mean thing we've done to each other over the years. And I realized that if I replayed them all in my head back-to-back, I could probably kill another couple of minutes.

J.D.: [v.o.] We all knew Dr. Cox was right, because the truth is it's all of your memories, the joyful ones and the heart-breaking ones, that make up who you are as a person.