Turk: Here's the situation. Your son is stable, his vitals are good. But the damage to his spine was quite severe so there's a strong possibility that he could-
Mr. Hill: He really loved that car. The one he had the accident in. He was always cleaning it. Driving it around with the top down.
Turk: Okay, hum Rich, the problem with spinal cord injuries-
Mr. Hill: Do you have any kids, Dr. Turk?
Turk: Yeah, I do. I've got a daughter.
Mr. Hill: They grew up fast. You know, when Mickey was 12, he was a hell of a football player.
Turk: Rich, I'm trying to talk to you about your son. Here's the-
Mr. Hill: Yeah. I know you're trying to talk to me about my son. When they brought Mike in, I saw them poking at his fingers and toes, asking if he felt it. Dr. Turk, I have a pit in my stomach because I'm afraid you've come here to tell me my boy is going to be paralyzed. Tell me it isn't true.
Turk: We're not exactly certain of that yet.
Mr. Hill: You're his doctor, what do you think?
Turk: [laughs] Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Listen, just something really funny jumped into my head.
Mr. Hill: What? Tell me.
Turk: You remember when the gopher starts to dance in Caddyshack?

J.D.: Don't do the dance, Turk. Don't do the dance. Carla, your husband's not doing very well in there.
Carla: I can't watch right now, I'm working.
J.D.: You know, if I was married to him, I'd be more supportive.
Carla: You know you said that out loud, right?
J.D.: I'm not ashamed of who I am.

Turk: And there's a 90% chance that the gopher was a puppet, but this right here... It's hilarious.
Mr. Hill: Dr. Turk, what the hell are we doing?
Turk: I don't know. Rich, there's a strong possibility that your son will be paralyzed from the neck down.
Mr. Hill: This isn't fair.
Turk: I'm so sorry.
Mr. Hill: Please tell me there's something else that you can do for my son. Anything. Don't give up on Mike. Please.

J.D.: What the hell are you doing?
Turk: What?
J.D.: Don't you remember my "don't give him false hope" speech, and my lie about how I had done it with Mr. Chazznini.
Turk: That was a lie?
J.D.: Yes, Turk. I lie to drive my points home. We both know that about me.

Janitor: She can't break up with me if I don't let her talk to me.
J.D.: [v.o.] I don't know what was odder. The janitor spouting random non sequiturs or Dr. Kelso doing his daily post-muffin power walk and rubbing in the fact that he's retired.
Dr. Kelso: Must suck to be you people.

Turk: Look, problem with cold therapy is that it's controversial. Bottom line: If there are any complications, that's on me. I could get sued, lose my license. Hell baby, we could lose everything. The car, the college fund. The house.
Carla: What house?
Turk: The one the janitor was talking about. What am I supposed to do?
Carla: What would you do if it's was one of our kids?
Turk: I'd try everything.
Carla: There is your answer. Say it.
Turk: You're always right.

Jordan: I'm gonna torture him till he gives up that ring.
Elliot: Hey. Eavesdropping. Things have been going so great between J.D. and I since we started dating again. You want to know why?
Janitor: Not really.
Jordan: No one cares that you two are back together.
Elliot: Why not?
Jordan: Because you've been doing it on and off for 7 years. And if anyone of us ever want to have another stupid conversation about your relationship, all we have to do is think back and remember one of the other billions of stupid conversations we've all had about your relationship.

[as J.D. reminisces about an old conversation about Elliot:]
J.D.: So Turk, this Elliot chick is pretty hot.
Turk: She got nice boobies?
J.D.: Awesome boobies.
Turk: So how's the butt?
J.D.: Flat. Just like I like it.
Turk: Oh, yeah. [sings] J.D.'s gonna hit that flat butt J.D.'s gonna hit that flat butt J.D.'s gonna hit that flat butt J.D.'s gonna hit that flat butt-
[out loud:]
J.D.: I was just thinking about the first time I told Turk about you.

Janitor: [to old man] Oh, look at him. You're adorable. You got a daddy? [to Jordan] I'm just window shopping.

Turk: Baby, what am I doing?
Carla: I am proud of you. Not just for being smart, but for being brave. Kiss me. Where did you get the idea for this risky therapy anyway?
Turk: SportsCenter.
Carla: Excuse me?
J.D.: [sings SportsCenter theme song]
Turk: Now is not really a good time.