Carla: Turk, if we have another baby, it'll still gonna be pretty financially tight, 'cause we're gonna need to keep the nanny on for Izzy. Are you even listening to me?
Turk: I'm not, baby. But I was pretending to listen, so I think we can both agree that means I love you.

Carla: Turk, this is serious. I worry about this stuff.
Turk: Baby, the only thing I'm worried about is you having another girl. I'm surrounded by girls.
Carla: Surrounded?
Turk: Yes, surrounded by girls, baby. You, Izzy, Elliot.
Carla: Who else?
J.D.: [enters] Hey! [Carla laughs] What's that laugh about? That laugh is never good for me.
Carla: You're a girl.
J.D.: No, I'm not. What's this show, is it new?
Turk: It's SportsCenter, dude.
J.D.: If you must do that witch cackle, can you please do it in the hallway? [Carla leaves] Thank you.

Turk: How cool would it be to be on SportsCenter?
[fantasy:]
Josh Elliott: Welcome to SportsCenter. America has voted. The results are in. And the worse athlete in the world It's this guy right here.
J.D.: I like wearing a helmet 'cause I can do this. And it only hurts a little bit.
Hannah Storm: Congratulations, John Dorian. You are a giant nerd.
[reality:]
J.D.: So cool.

J.D.: It's amazing watching Turk do his thing.
Turk: I haven't been to the future yet, but I may be the best surgeon of all time. Close him up.
J.D.: Nah nah nah, nah nah nah.
Turk: What are you doing?
J.D.: You were awesome, just like on SportsCenter. Nah nah nah, nah nah nah.
Turk: Nah nah nah, nah nah nah.
J.D.: I know, that's what I did... No, hold on a second. Doe a deer. No, it's doe, it's a deer.

Lady: I want to thank you for dinner last night. I've eaten by candle light before, but never by firefly light.
Janitor: Yeah, it was hard to get them all in the jugs, but I thought that was worth it.

Dr. Cox: Hey, janitor. Rock solid relationship there.
Jordan: You know, there's nothing like looking in someone's eyes and seeing a part of them die. Oh, there it goes. Bye bye hope.
Janitor: Everything is fine between me and Lady. And excuse me for not having a relationship built on a mutual affection for jet-black hate.
Dr. Cox: We don't hate each other, do we?
Jordan: A little bit, but we make it work.

Turk: I'm a cutter. I usually say "Surgery went great" or "He's not gonna make it, I'm sorry." I've never had to tell anyone that their son is gonna be paralyzed.
J.D.: That's gotta suck.
Turk: I wish there was an easier way to say this.
[fantasy:]
Turk: Mr. Hill, I got you a card. "Great to see you, great to talk. The bad new is your son can't walk." And see, there's a picture of a kitty cat in a wheelchair.
Mr. Hill: Look at the cat, he's shrugging like "What are you gonna do?" What are you gonna- We did it at the same time.
[reality:]
Turk: Dude, was the daydream helpful?
J.D.: Not especially.

Turk: I need you to focus. You're better at this than I am.
J.D.: Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna go in there and you're gonna be completely honest.
Turk: That's all you've got? 'cause I've been a doctor for more than ten minutes.
J.D.: Try not to get too emotional. If you feel yourself starting to cry, do what I do and think of that gopher at the end of Caddyshack when he dances.
Turk: Got it.
J.D.: And Turk, most importantly, don't give him any false hope, you know. If you go in there and make him think for a second there could be a happy ending for him, and it doesn't work out, they're gonna blame you forever. I did that, you remember, with my patient Mr. Chazznini, I think about it everyday. Good luck.

Dr. Cox: Mrs. Jensen, your brain CT came back and as you can see, we were able to get all of the tumor. Unfortunately, we were not able to remove this. That's the song that has been stuck in your head.
Mrs. Jensen: [chuckles] Oh, Dr. Cox.
Jordan: Hey! What gives with you wearing that thing on your finger?
Dr. Cox: It's mainly to detour cougars like Mrs. Jensen here from hitting on me, but it doesn't seem to have stopped you, does it?

Jordan: What's the real reason?
Dr. Cox: I don't know. Lately, I've been feeling warm and fuzzy about the kids, a little less nauseous about you, and then I found this thing stuck to an old piece of gum in the medicine cabinet. I put it on a couple of months ago and I haven't taken it off since.
Jordan: Perry, we're not married. We're two independent people who enjoy each other's company and are perfectly happy. We're the opposite of married. I don't want you to wear it anymore.
Dr. Cox: Fine. Fine, what do you say I melt it down into a bullet and shoot myself with it?
Jordan: Thank you.