J.D.: [v.o.] Anyway, about this whole setting the date thing: I mean, I'm really psyched for you guys, it's just gonna be harder and harder for us to hang out, you know? I mean, you're gonna be married, man! You're gonna have, like, a house! You know? You're gonna be spending your weekends chasing around little Arturo and Rosaria!
Turk: You mean Tamika and Fuquan?
J.D.: You should talk to Carla.

Elliot: You know, I am so glad that we're dating again.
Sean: Elliot, we're not dating.
Elliot: Why don't you want to be dating?
Sean: Th- Well- All right. Here. Man! Why is everything so much easier with dolphins?
Elliot: Because you're not trying to date a dolphin.
Sean: No. No. Well, not after that big talk they gave us.

Sean: Elliot, last time we were together, I thought everything was going great, and then out of nowhere you dumped me for your job. I gotta be honest with you, I've never been so crushed in my entire life.
Elliot: [giddy laughter] Really? That is not something that I'm happy about. Sean, I was an intern, and if I hadn't made medicine my priority, then I wouldn't have lasted. But now things are gonna be different because I'm different. I'm New Elliot.
Sean: Well, do you think that, uh, you think the new Elliot, uh, would like to go to dinner tonight?
Elliot: I don't know. She's very busy. [dolphin splashes water at Elliot]

Dr. Cox: Heeee-xcuse me! You wouldn't happen to be signing out Mr. Hudson to the on-call resident, would you?
Elliot: Yeah, why?
Dr. Cox: He's your patient, he needs a lumbar puncture, and you can't necessarily count on the on-call resident to do that, now, can you?
Elliot: It's just that, Dr. Cox, I've got a date with this guy named Sean-
Dr. Cox: Would you do me a personal favor and excuse me just for one moment?
Elliot: Yeah?
Dr. Cox: [snores]

Carla: I'm sorry! I just thought that, as a urine lab technician, you'd be at least half as interested in urine as I am!

J.D.: Yo, there he is! For a second I thought you weren't coming, dude.
Indian Bartender: Hey! Turk-&-J.D.! And J.D.!

Turk: Todd! Over here, buddy!
Todd: 'Scuse me for a second, fellas. I'm gonna go over there and tell that girl my name's "Beer," then I'm gonna offer her some "beer nuts"! What's up! Mental five.

Turk: Ever since I got engaged, he's been acting crazier than my fiancee. Although Carla is going a little nuts about the dress. Dude, what's up with Tracy?
Will: Dude! Tracy's a guy.
Turk: That'd make you gay.
Will: I am gay.
Turk: Neat!
Dr. Cox: Never underestimate just exactly how uncomfortable this makes him.

Elliot: So thanks to you, Sean blew me off, but I'm okay. Old Elliot would have gone into a tail-spin, but new Elliot's just gonna get him back, because new Elliot is a fixer. Like, that guy over there. If his stitches lifted and his spleen ruptured, I would just go over and fix them!
Man: My spleen is going to rupture!?
Elliot: Relax, you're fine. You know what I'm going to do? I am just going to show Sean that he will always come first.
Dr. Cox: Gosh, I hate to interrupt this one-gal pep-rally, there, Barbie, but I give this guy two weeks. Three if you are just terrific in the sack.
Elliot: Well, then it's three! I mean: You're wrong!

Will: You're not that comfortable with the man-on-man action, are you?
Turk: So I'm a little homophobic. I mean, we all got our stuff, right? I bet, deep down inside, you're a little racist?
Will: Marrying a black guy?
Turk: Dude, how pissed are your parents, honestly?
Will: So, what makes you so uncomfortable? Is it the sex?
Turk: Don't get me wrong I don't love the idea of kissing anyone with a mustache. That's why I always pretend to have a cold when Carla's aunt comes to town. What really freaks me out, though, is the thought of being that open with another guy. Any guy. I don't know what it is, I mean that's just the way I been my whole life. Maybe- Maybe it's because I'm scared, you know?
Will: Dude, that's a little gay.