Jack: [on answering machine] Daddy, Grandma says you once peed in the garden.
Dr. Cox: Guilty!
Jordan: Hey, Perry. This doesn't count as me calling.
Dr. Cox: It does so.
Jordan: 'cause I made Jack dial and you and I didn't speak. I just want to tell you I've decided to stay here for the week. Bye!

Dr. Cox: Goodness gracious, Ted, I'm- I'm sure sorry about that.
Ted: It's okay, I'm used to it.
Dr. Cox: Say, Ted, these... These are all just blank pieces of white paper?
Ted: Shh! I need to look busy!

J.D.: Hello, tall, dark and whatever?
Janitor: Handsome.
J.D.: No.
Janitor: Well done, "Dr. John I think I am a man of the people but now thanks to the janitor everyone knows I'm a fraud now I have egg on my face Dorian". That's your clever new nickname!
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh my God. You finally have a nickname!

Janitor: So, how about a little wager? If I win, you have to do my job for a day.
J.D.: And if I win?
Janitor: I'll do my job for a day.
J.D.: How is that fair?
Janitor: I'll actually do my job for a day.
J.D.: Oh, deal. Do you know?
Janitor: It's been a while. I can do it.

Dr. Cox: Well, you look like you could use some help.
Turk: I'm okay. Actually, I'm just looking for Carla.
Dr. Cox: Does anyone need any help?
J.D.: Me! I need help! [to an intern in his way] You get the hell out of the way.
J.D.: Hi. Help.

Dr. Cox: Ok, Dr. John "I think I'm a man of the people, but now, thanks to the janitor, everybody knows I'm a fraud and I've egg on my face" Dorian.
J.D.: Very funny.
J.D.: [v.o.] Perfect. Pretend you hate that nick name so it'll stick.
Dr. Cox: Who is this?
J.D.: He's a doctor. I think it's Patrick or Paul.
Dr. Cox: It's Gwen. Although she does have a mean case of man face.

Elliot: I knew it. Look at how much you don't want to be alone. You're actually helping out the guy who you claim annoys you the most.
J.D.: Elliot, it's been 7 years. I think we all know I don't annoy him.
J.D.: [v.o.] Okay, you're in it, now. Go for broke.
J.D.: Heck, I bet that Perry would admit that I'm not just a colleague, I'm a friend.
J.D.: [v.o.] And arm around him... Oh, my God! Is this what heaven's like?
Dr. Cox: Yep. Just helping out a friend. This has nothing to do with me being lonely.
Elliot: Hey, wait a second. Isn't today your day-off?

Carla: You just don't get what's really bothering me.
Turk: A couple of days ago you dreamed in English. Three years of marriage and I'm starting to pay attention.
Carla: I feel like I'm losing all connections to who makes me me, you know? My best friend is a very, very white girl from Connecticut. Look, if who I am keeps slipping away from me, how would I ever be able to pass it on to Izzy? It's bad enough then when people look at my daughter, they only see your little African princess. They think she's black, not half-black and half-Latina.
Turk: That's not true.
Carla: Oh, really? Watch. Sir? What race would you say this baby is?
Man: Oh, half-black, half-Latina. Most likely Dominican origin. Than again, I am the new hospital geneticist.
Turk: That's just bad luck, baby.

Elliot: Are you honestly whining because you feel attached to your wife and kids?
Dr. Cox: I liked the way I was.
Elliot: Oh, you mean the giant jackass that nobody can stand to be around for more than 20 seconds.
Dr. Cox: Yes, I love that guy.
J.D.: Me too.
Elliot: Well, guess what you're still him. Only, now when you go home there's actually people there that are happy to see you. Probably 'cause they don't know any better.

Carla: What is so funny?
Turk: I just think it's hilarious that you think you can stop being a proud Latin woman. Baby, all your ringtones are bachata music. You're the only nurse in this hospital who demands that any doctor who wants a big favor has to ask you in Spanish.
Dr. Kelso: Si, es lo mas mulesto.
Turk: So we got a daughter and life is moving out to really really fast pace, but baby, you're always gonna be a Latina with an upside-down exclamation point.
Carla: You promise? Mas mas.