Jordan: What have you been doing all day?
Dr. Cox: Right up until this very moment, I've been successfully avoiding you.
Jordan: I came to tell you I'm taking the kids to my mother's for the weekend. And seeing that you're not allowed to it within 40 feet of our house-
Dr. Cox: The restraining order!
Jordan: Ah, Christmas memories.

Jordan: Anywho, you're staying here. I'm gonna leave you alone to celebrate.
Dr. Cox: [whistles] People! I expect full participation. Woo!
All: Woo! [Mexican wave spreads to everyone except Jordan]
Jordan: Oh, please!
Dr. Cox: Oh come on!
Jordan: Fine. Woo! [wave continues]

J.D.: I ran down here so I could do it twice. If they do this at all sporting events, I'm gonna start going. Yay!

Turk: Check out my little African princess.
Carla: Izzy. Tu sabes que tu eres el amor de mi vida!
Turk: Baby, when I'm not around, do you only speak Spanish to Izzy? 'Cause you know I don't understand that.
Carla: Relax, Turk, I speak both to her.
Turk: Good. Honey, I gotta go to work.
Carla: Okay, say goodbye to daddy. Now, when he comes back, the three of us... [door closes] cenaremos juntos y te daremos un baño muy caliente. [Turk returns] before we put you down to bed.
Turk: Forgot my keys!
Carla: And then mommy will sing you a lullaby just like her mommy used to do... [door closes] cuando yo ero una nina y gozaremos muchisimoTe gusta? Oh.
Turk: Hola, Carla. That's how you say hello, right?

Jordan: Well, the cars's here, for some reason it was half an hour early.
Dr. Cox: No, that was me.
Jordan: You know, you're gonna miss me more than I miss you. Oh, please, underneath those four pounds of makeup and quarter inch of synthetically-paralyzed skin, there is a fightened little drunk girl that I can already hear blubbering on the phone, "Oh Pe-rry I miss You So... Ah!"
Jordan: This is you: "Oh Jordan, please come home. Please!"
Dr. Cox: Ah!
Jordan: Uh!
Dr. Cox: Ah!
Jordan: Uh! See? This is why we're a great couple. Bet you call me before I call you, you pathetic wuss!
Dr. Cox: You're on.

Turk: Baby, you can't just speak Spanish to my little African princess.
Carla: She's not your little African princess. She's our little half African, half Latina princess.
Turk: Baby, that's a little wordy.

Dr. Cox: Go to hell Bob.
Dr. Kelso: I didn't even say anything.
Elliot: There nowhere else to sit, so you can drop the scary stare. It doesn't work on me anymore. Kicking me under the table's not gonna make me leave either.
Dr. Kelso: I did it. You talk too much.
Dr. Cox: Say, Bob, sorry about that "go to hell" thing earlier.
Dr. Kelso: We're cool.

Elliot: You're just pissy because Jordan left. I mean, I'm in the same boat. Ever since I broke off my engagement, I live all alone in a big empty house. Hell, Bob here is living at the hospital because Enid kicked him out.
Dr. Kelso: Did she just call me Bob? I will kick her again.
Elliot: We're like the "Lonely hearts' table".
Dr. Cox: No. No, actually that's the "Lonely hearts' table".
[Ted and his band are sitting at another table, singing an a cappella version of The Who's "Who Are You?"]

Ted: Okay, we'll never win the "A Cappella Pulitzer" performing like that. And if we don't win there's no chance of us getting laid at the after party.

Janitor: Hey, you should know that new nurse hates the stupid nickname you gave her.
J.D.: "Lavernagain"? No way!
[The Janitor moves to the side, to reveal Nurse Shirley standing behind him]
Nurse Shirley: I hate it.
J.D.: Well, you might hate it now, Lavernagain, but once you've heard it a few times, you're gonna love it. Lavernagain.