Elliot: Turk, you are going to be happy you picked me to co-write this study.
Turk: Hell, yeah. I thought we'd start off by having a couple of beers.
Elliot: Yeah. I got all the info I could find on peripheral vascular disease, then I highlighted the pertinent passages and coded them to correspond with the outline on the back of your packet.
Turk: But I don't have a packet. [Elliot hands him a packet] Look at that. Turk's packet.

J.D.: I'm gonna go to bed.
Turk: Elliot, are you gonna go with him? It's too early for jokes, huh? That's good to know. It's good to know.

Carla: I'll get a tape deck in here and we'll-
Dr. Kelso: Nurse Espinosa, that's not necessary.
Carla: It's just one song.
Dr. Kelso: It starts out as just one song. But then before you know it, half of the hospital staff is piercing their genitalia and fornicating in the back of vans. Unless a family member shows up to enforce the directive, we really don't have to do anything. Now, will you do me a favor and just forget about it, sweetheart?

J.D.: You are not going to believe what happened yesterday. Dr. Cox just went ballistic and destroyed an entire lab room. Oh, yeah. Broken computers, chairs through windows, shattered beakers. Beakers, people. Beakers. How is this is not good gossip?
Carla: J.D., he does this every year. And whatever you do, don't get caught in his wake, because he's taking you down.
Nurse Roberts: Downtown.
J.D.: All the way?

Todd: I'm wearing special underwear too. They're invisible.
Elliot: Yeah, I get it. Todd, I'm just kinda busy here.
Todd: Oh, no time for the Todd. All the project geeks are busy working tonight.
Elliot: Excuse me?
Todd: All the surgical interns picked a project geek from Medical to write our reports for us.
Elliot: I'm- I'm not a geek.
Todd: What's that on your finger?
Elliot: It's a rubber thingy to help me turn the pages... quicker.
Todd: [laughs] She said "rubber thingy".

Turk: Excuse me, nurse. I'm ready for my sponge bath.
Carla: I'm sorry, I can't. I gotta pick up a CD for this coma patient.
Turk: But I'm wearing silk boxers.
Carla: Turk.
Turk: But they're the ones with the dogs holding big money bags.

Carla: Sweetie, I love your money pants, I really do. It's just that I feel somebody needs to take care of this guy.
Turk: How is it that you can blow me off and it makes you sexier?
Carla: 'cause you're whipped.
Turk: I thought so.

Turk: Great news, Elliot. I'm back for the night.
Elliot: You know what? The hell with you, Chris Turk.
Turk: What the hell got into her?
Todd: Wassup!

Elliot: Look me in the eyes and and tell me I'm not a geek.
Turk: Come on, you still got that rubber thingy on.
Elliot: Eggs can be extremely slippery.

Carla: [screams] You scared the hell outta me.
Ted: I'm sorry. That always happens. No one ever expects me to be anywhere.
Carla: Aw, Ted.
Ted: She knows your name. So, I found your coma patient's relative you were looking for.
Carla: Thank you! Thank you so much. [hugs Ted]
Ted: Don't let go.
Carla: What?
Ted: Nothing.