J.D.: So we're here. What do you wanna talk about?
Dr. Cox: Well, if you don't toss that shot back, I'm gonna throw you up on the bar and make you sing the theme song from Endless Love.
J.D.: Yucky.
Dr. Cox: Yucky?
J.D.: Yucky.
Dr. Cox: My God, I'm drinking with a mouseketeer.

Dr. Kelso: Could you turn that off, please?
Carla: What?
Dr. Kelso: I thought I told you not to play that in the house... Uh, hospital.
Carla: I'm just trying to do right by my patient.
Dr. Kelso: Well, as of this moment, he is no longer your patient.
Carla: Dr. Kelso, you-
Dr. Kelso: Young lady, when I asked you to leave it alone, I wasn't really asking you. It's like when I ask the paperboy to avoid hitting my rosebushes. I'm not leaving it up to him. I'm saying you damn well better do it or I'm going to forget to put the chain on Baxter. Now get on out of here and take that boom blaster with you!

J.D.: Look, Dr. Cox, don't get me wrong. Love getting drunk in my jammies just as much as the next guy, but it's late, so...
Dr. Cox: Thanks for coming out, Newbie. Hope this whole thing wasn't too yucky for you.
J.D.: You seem fine, so I'm...
Dr. Cox: I am not fine. I mean, why do you think we're out here at this bar at two o'clock in the morning? Just so we can go in the urinal and piss on the ice?
J.D.: I love to melt the middle.
Dr. Cox: We're out here because if I go home and go to sleep, the only thing I'm going to be able to think about is I gotta get up in the morning and go back to that place. And you wanna know something, pal? I got nothing. Honest to God, I got nothing. I'm cooked.

Carla: Bambi, I warned you about getting caught up in Dr. Cox's wake, but does he listen?
Nurse Roberts: You'd think so with those ears.
J.D.: Uncalled for, okay?

J.D.: It's different. He showed up at my place.
Carla: He showed up at my house.
Nurse Roberts: He showed up at my mama's on mother's day.
Ted: Ruined my wedding.
J.D.: You know what? I know you guys think he's just gonna shake all this off and be fine, but I'm telling you I connected with the guy, and there is no way in hell he's just going to walk through this door and have a big smile on his face.
Dr. Cox: Woo-hoo! What do you say, sports fans? [in a Scottish accent] It's a great day!

Turk: You know what's the cool thing about this movie? It's that this could really happen.
Elliot: Which part? The Russians invading Michigan, or C Thomas Howell being a tough guy?
Turk: Both.
J.D.: Wolverines.

Carla: [singing] And baby we'll be At the drive-in
Ted: [singing] In the old man's Ford
Both: [singing] Behind the bushes Till I'm screaming for more Down the basement Lock the cellar door And baby Talk dirty to Me
Ted: I love you.
Carla: What?
Ted: [singing] Know that we'll be
Both: [singing] At the drive-in

J.D.: [v.o.] As a doctor, you need to be prepared for anything: Heart attacks, drug overdoses, gunshot wounds. But one thing you can't prepare for is what happens after you break up with a co-worker.
J.D.: Watch where you're walking!
Elliot: You watch where you're walking.
J.D.: [v.o.] Don't let her get the last word.
J.D.: Just, you watch where you're walking!
Elliot: You watch where you're walking!
J.D.: [v.o.] Dammit.

J.D.: My high school teacher, Mr. Peters, died. He was a great guy.
Turk: You OK?
J.D.: [v.o.] Even though I see death all the time now, I still react the same way I did when I was a kid.
J.D.: Doin' a lot better than Mr. Peters.
Turk: Dude.

Dr. Cox: What's up, Newbie?
J.D.: My mom called. My favorite high school teacher just died.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, the correct answer to that question is, "Nothing, sir".