Turk: Okay, all we have to do here is kill space goblins.
Janitor: And what's my motivation?
Turk: You're motivation is to kill space goblins.
Janitor: Yeah, but like killing them because I hate them or because I don't share their space goblin values?
Turk: Whatever you want. Good shot. What are you doing?
Janitor: I'm taking a few moments to speak on behalf of our fallen adversary.
Turk: Are you kidding me right now?
Janitor: Forgive me, space goblin. If it weren't up for the novice level setting and the ten cups of coffee I had earlier today, you might have bested me this day in the marsh of Kothrick. We're not too different, you and I. Despite your arm-mounted cannon and your insatiable taste for human flesh.
Turk: You realize that while you're talking, his alien friends are shooting you in the face, right?
Janitor: Well, well that was just rude. Get some!

Kim: I hate you so much right now, J.D.!
Dr. Donna: Don't worry, all women say that stuff during labor. She doesn't mean it.
Kim: I do! He just broke up with me?
Dr. Donna: What?
J.D.: No, no, no, technically I didn't break up with her, I just told her I don't love her.
Nurse Shirley: Who did he say that to?
Dr. Donna: The mother of his baby!
Nurse Shirley: No, he didn't.
J.D.: [v.o.] Man, she looks familiar.

Dr. Cox: Oh, Carla, good. Listen, I need you to give my kid a shot, it'll only take a second.
Carla: No, I can't do it. I'm literally shaking with rage.
Dr. Kelso: See? I would give her a shot, Perry, but this is scotch, and I'm all Hasselhoffed out.

J.D.: [v.o.] My last few days have all started the same. Saying this to Kim:
J.D.: You're amazing.
J.D.: [v.o.] Then whispering:
J.D.: I love you.
J.D.: [v.o.] to our baby and and hoping that Kim wasn't wondering why I hadn't said the same thing to her.

J.D.: [v.o.] There are some images that even doctors can't stomach.
Keith: That is so gross. I might vomit.
Carla: Oh, is it the patient with the infected neck wound?
Keith: Worse.
Elliot: Hey, guys.
J.D.: [v.o.] Like the image of your ex fiancee.
Elliot: How's it going, Keith?
Keith: You ruined my life.
Elliot: Nice seeing you.

Dr. Cox: [whistles] Didn't I tell you two to treat Mr. Meltzer?
Josephine: [high-pitched] Yes, but he won't let us, because...
Dr. Cox: No, no. Remember our new system so that I never have to hear your voice again.
[Josephine hands Dr. Cox a Post-It note]
Dr. Cox: "He doesn't want to be treated by interns", with your "i" dotted with an heart and a little frowny face at the end. It's incredible. Your handwriting is actually more annoying than your voice. Regardless, you interns are the future of this hospital, if you don't treat patients, you won't learn. What I want you to do is walk over to Mr.
Meltzor and then say these words: "I'm your doctor. Deal with it". Can you say that?
Josephine & Boon: I'm your doctor-
Dr. Cox: Not you, never you.
Boon: I am your doctor, deal with it.
Dr. Cox: Peachy.

Turk: Why you looking so sad, Nilla Wafer?
J.D.: You were right about Kim, I don't love her.
Turk: Oh, that's tough. Do you wanna get some exercise and clear your head?
J.D.: Uh uh!
[later, Turk and J.D. play a video game:]
J.D.: Thanks, buddy. I needed this.

Turk: So are you gonna break up with her?
J.D.: No way. We are having a baby, man. Statistics say that the kids end off way better off if their parents stay together, even if it's not a great relationship, so I'm in for good. Plus, Kim is amazing, so hopefully, one day I'll wake up and just be head over heels.
Turk: Yeah, that happens a lot.

Carla: How can you come in and not check on your own child? You know what? I'm so sick of this stupid video game, that's it. I want that out of that house.
Turk: Come on, I just got this thing. I'm already on the 5th level. Just let me finish!
J.D.: Carla, let him finish!
Carla: Oh, you can have it.
J.D.: Family comes first, Turk.
Turk: Baby, studies have shown that using joysticks can improve a surgeon's dexterity.
J.D.: You can have this one.
Turk: I'm gonna kill you!

J.D.: You guys, I know when I first brought this happy thought I was cheesy, but now that this actually happening, can we do a three-person celebratory jump hug? Please?
Turk: For you.
J.D.: Woo-hoo. You were right, that was cheesy. Should have listened.